


Rise Above the Tides

by Kashoku



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Blindness, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Trauma, Mentions of suicide attempt, Multi, Prescription Drug Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 14:08:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8755546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kashoku/pseuds/Kashoku
Summary: Yuuri was going to go out on top, just like Viktor had. He was going to win gold in his third World's appearance and then retire to spend the rest of his life with his husband. But when a freak accident during his finale free skate leaves him blind, Yuuri finds himself spiraling into a world darker than the one in front of his eyes and he must learn to Rise.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh no, what am I getting myself into?? Kashy, you never finish anything! Ok, you finished that one fic that one time...I can do this, though!! It's gonna be great!! 
> 
> This fic will be angsty. It might make you cry. But rest assured, it will not leave you feeling that way at the end. I hate crappy endings!
> 
> Buckle up, friends! Here we go!
> 
> Title is from Trivium's song Rise Above the Tides from the Silence in the Snow album.
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr @catcherinthebrightlight

Yuuri sucked in a deep breath, closing his chocolate eyes to calm himself. In truth, though, he could never remember being so relaxed before stepping out onto the ice. This was likely his last performance on the big stage, but it wasn’t the end. No…this was just the beginning. He reached over the wall and linked hands with Viktor, their foreheads resting against one another in silent contemplation. They breathed together, their hearts beating as one.

 

“What are you going to get me, Yuuri?” Viktor purred, his voice so soft Yuuri wondered if he had imagined it.

 

Yuuri’s lip curled up in a smirk. “Something round and something gold.”

 

Viktor’s fingers ran across the shimmering band around Yuuri’s ring finger lovingly as he licked his lips. “You are going to be magnificent, Yuuri. The world champion, right here in your very own home country. Could there be any better finale?”

 

Leaning in Yuuri placed a lustful kiss to Viktor’s lips, their eyelashes fluttering against one another. “I could think of one.” He winked.

 

“For fuck’s sake, could you two at least wait until after the competition?” Yuri’s voice growled from the left. He was in first, for now. But the reigning champion still had one last performance to give. “Disgusting.”

 

Yuuri only chuckled in response to the younger skater, his attention quickly back to his coach. Reaching up he grabbed at his chin and made sure their gaze was locked. “Don’t take your eyes off me.”

 

Viktor sucked in a heated breath through his nostrils. “ _Never_.”

 

Satisfied, Yuuri pushed away from the wall and skated towards the center of the ice, the lights finally on him. The crowd was cheering so loudly he almost couldn’t hear himself think.

 

_“Representing Japan, Yuuri Nikiforov!”_

With a large smile, he stopped at the center and posed giving Viktor one last look. The crowd grew silent and the music started to play, his body automatically going into motion.  There were no nerves, no anxiety, nothing but his love for Viktor as he danced across the ice like it was a part of him. As he moved into the triple axel he felt weightless, like he could reach the sky. The landing was so soft he wasn’t even sure if he had indeed landed it. But, his body continued the dance the routine as it had done many times before. Surely, the audience could see the love on his face. It was almost overwhelming.

 

To think, it had been three years now since Viktor came into his life naked in the onsen. Three years, three GPF medals, and what would be his third World title after tonight. Yuuri could continue skating after this, sure, but it was time, he thought. Like Viktor, he wanted to go out on top and there were too many rising stars to continue that path. Yuri…Yuri was in his prime now and it was time for him to take the crown.

 

They had discussed it many times. Viktor would continue coaching, of course, and Yuuri had decided he would help be the one to help young children develop their love of skating. He had always adored children, and it seemed so perfect. The only thing they hadn’t yet decided was _where_ they would set up shop. But, there was time. There was _nothing_ but time, now.

 

Yuuri couldn’t help but chuckle fondly to himself as he landed his triple combination flawlessly. Here he was, mind completely lost in the clouds, and he was delivering a perfect performance. All that was left now was what had once been his husband’s signature move, but had now become his: a quadruple flip. His body started to turn in motion in preparation and with powerful propulsion off his right leg he flew into the air. As soon as he had taken off he knew he was going to land it. Perfect form, enough rotations – _yes_.

 

He could feel his blade land on the ice, his free leg up to balance himself, but something was wrong. As if the entire world suddenly turned into slow motion he could feel himself falling, falling, _falling_. A sharp pain shot up his leg from his ankle turning his vision white as he cried out. It was just enough of a distraction he was unable to throw his hands out in front of him to break his fall.  

 

Brown eyes went wide in realization before his head hit the ice with a sickening crack and his world turned black.

 

_Viktor…_

_Viktor…_

_Viktor…_

_Viktor._

Was he dreaming? Maybe, but he usually didn’t hurt so much in dreams. His ankle was throbbing tortuously in beat with his heart, and his _head_. His head! Yuuri could never remember such agony behind his temple. There was nothingness, though. Everything was black. Why was it so black?

 

Viktor.

 

He could hear it, ever so softly in the distance. Viktor’s voice.

 

_“I don’t understand…”_

_“…unsure…brain trauma…”_

_“Would it be….”_

_“We won’t know anything until…”_

_“….but what if he doesn’t…”_

_“…it’s a possibility…coma…”_

_“Yuuri…please wake up.”_

_Viktor! I’m here, please!_ He tried to move. He tried to call out. But there was nothing but darkness. Viktor’s voice began to fade and Yuuri found himself slipping further away into the void.

 

He continued the cycle, slipping in and out of some sort of reality. There were times he thought he could hear voices. Viktor, Yuri, Phichit, his parents….and was that Chris? He wasn’t sure. So many times he had tried to speak with them, but no matter how hard he tried nothing came out. He felt completely paralyzed.

 

_Paralyzed._

 

Oh god. He had fallen. After landing the flip something had happened and he had fallen. Was he…was he paralyzed? Was that why he couldn’t move? Couldn’t speak? Suddenly his heartbeat echoed excruciatingly loud. _Thump, thump, thump._ His breaths came out in a rushed panic and he desperately tried to move _anything_.

 

“Yuuri! Someone get the doctor! Yuuri! Calm down! Yuuri!”

 

Something grabbed him. He could feel it. He could _feel_. Fingers laced within his and he tightened his grip viciously clinging to that feeling. A soft hand cupped his cheek and he instinctively tried to control his breathing, heart slowly starting to steady. He knew that hand.

 

“Yuuri…Yuuri, you’re awake.”

 

Viktor. _Viktor_. Why was it so dark? Just barely he could make out some sort of figure in front of him, but there was no color or defining features. It was nothing but a shadow, if that. “Viktor…why are the lights out I can’t…I need to see you.”

 

Viktor squeezed his hand, silent for several moments. “Yuuri…what do you mean?”

 

“I can’t-,” Yuuri felt his heartbeat start to increase again in a panic. He needed to _see_ Viktor! “Please…” his voice was quivered whisper, “I need to see you. Turn the lights on.”

 

“Yuuri…the lights are on.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY CRAP. I am OVERWHELMED by all the responses on Chapter 1!!! I never in my wildest dreams expected it. THANK YOU! Because of this, I have worked all day on Chapter 2! Also, work has been really slow haha! COMMENTS ARE THE BIGGEST MOTIVATION I CAN RECEIVE!!!!
> 
> Also, I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL BY ANY MEANS. I have tried my best to do research and make this as believable as I can, but the only medical training I have involves animals. I have had my own share of head injuries and brain trauma, but nothing like this. So, I ask, that you all join me in using a bit of imagination! Of course, if anyone knows better, I'm open to comments/suggestions!!!
> 
> THANKS AGAIN!!!!
> 
> Also sorry lmao this is unbeta'd so apologizes for any mistakes.
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr @catcherinthebrightlight

If anyone had asked Viktor if it were possible to be more in love with Yuuri Katsuki Nikiforov than he already was, he would have laughed and said ‘Impossible!’, but watching Yuuri skate this free program had his heart fluttering in a way it never had before. More so than their first kiss in China, more so than when they had first made love, more so than when Yuuri won his first Grand Prix, and even more so than when they had exchanged vows.

 

It was overwhelming.

 

Viktor could not contain his smile despite his fingers against his lips. This skate was all for him, and he could feel it all the way in his bones. Yuri could feel it, too, the younger Russian’s green eyes lit in wonder at the performance before him. Already, he had accepted defeat. For a brief moment Viktor felt for him, but he knew Yuri would have his time in the spotlight. For now, though, this moment belonged to his husband.

 

“Only one more,” Yuri’s voice broke his train of thoughts as he spoke from his side.

 

Sucking in a breath Viktor held it as he watched Yuuri set up for the quadruple flip. This was it. This was for everything. Yuuri flew into the air, body twirling effortlessly before landing upright. Viktor could feel his entire face light up with joy, “Perfect!”

 

As quickly as the joy had come, though, it was gone. Eyes grew wide in horror as a collective gasp was drawn from the crowd. Just after landing, the blade on Yuuri’s skate snapped off. His feet got tangled up in one another and he was sent falling to the ice unable to break his fall properly.

 

A sickening crack echoed in the dome sending everyone into silence.

 

“YUURI!” Viktor’s scream rang out, his body instantly flying over the barrier, not bothering to waste time making it to the proper entrance of the rink. He fell when he landed on the ice, no blades to help keep him from slipping. Despite his efforts to glide rather than run, he still found himself falling forward with every few steps, Yuuri’s unmoving form seeming light years away. _Yuuri!_ His heart was beating with wild panic in his chest. _Please get up!_

 

A pair of hands was on him helping him to his feet. Yuri was there, at some point having thrown off his guards and hopping over the barrier to join Viktor on the ice. He helped guide Viktor over to Yuuri, the on-site paramedic already at his side. The ice beneath his head was stained red.

 

Viktor fell to his knees next to his husband, hands instantly on his shoulders with a quivering lip. “Yuuri! Yuuri!” He could barely hear his own voice trembling with fear. Why wasn’t Yuuri moving? _Please, please open your eyes!_ A pair of arms was suddenly around him dragging him back away from Yuuri as several more paramedics made their way onto the ice. A stretcher was placed next to his husband’s body and Viktor found himself fighting against his restraints, a hand reaching out. “Yuuri!”

 

“Viktor! _Viktor listen to me_!”

 

The surrounding chaos suddenly slammed into Viktor hard. The silence turned into deafening screams and someone had finally pressed play on the frames in front of him. Yuri was holding him tight, keeping him back and away from the paramedics tending to Yuuri. They were shouting to each other in quick Japanese, Viktor’s understanding of the language not good enough to catch what they were saying.

 

“Viktor,” Yuri’s hands were cradling his face, forcing him to meet him eye-to-eye. “Pull yourself together.” Viktor stopped his struggling instantly, staring at Yuri with wide eyes, his body shivering with each breath that he took. “Let them help Yuuri.”

 

Finally conceding, Viktor nodded and let Yuri help him to his feet, waiting for the paramedics to get Yuuri’s body loaded and secured on the stretcher. They kept a safe distance, doing their best to not interfere, but as soon as Viktor’s shoes hit off the ice he was gone. Yuri let him go, watching with sad eyes as Viktor followed them to the ambulance.

 

“I’m sorry, sir,” one of the paramedics spoke in broken English, holding up a hand to block Viktor from getting into the ambulance.

 

“I’m his husband!” Viktor protested with a worried scowl. Although Japan had finally made gay marriage legal, it was still widely frowned upon and many places didn’t recognize it. The paramedic looked like he might reject Viktor again, but he slowly nodded and moved aside. Viktor could do nothing but sit in his seat as they drove, a hand over his mouth trying to keep in the devastated sob that wanted to release itself. He didn’t know what was happening. He didn’t know if Yuuri was going to be ok. He felt so helpless.

 

When they reached the hospital, Viktor was finally told he couldn’t go any further, forced to stay in a waiting room and hope for the best. A nurse was quick to approach him with a clipboard of papers Viktor assumed was for in-processing. It was all in kanji. Viktor couldn’t even read half of it. The nurse seemed to sense his distress, but it was clear she didn’t speak English. _“I can speak...slowly…”_ Viktor told her, voice raw with distress.

 

Her eyes lit up for a moment and she took a seat next to him taking the clipboard back into her hands. Pointing to each line she asked the questions, writing Viktor’s answers down for him. She spoke slowly and was patient when Viktor asked her to repeat something or had to take a moment to think of the right word to use.

 

Finally, she smiled at him before walking away, the paperwork seemingly done. Viktor was left alone in the room to do nothing but wait. Looking down at his hands in his lap he watched as warm droplets began to splash against his palms. He made no attempt to wipe at his tears allowing his vision to blur out as they continued to fall.

 

Time passed and people walked by him without notice. Viktor found it hard to breathe. His heart was shattering beneath his very chest and there was nothing he could do. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Right now, Yuuri was supposed to be on the podium with a gold medal around his neck and flowers being thrown at his feet. Viktor was supposed to be sweeping him back to their home in Hasetsu and spending all night worshiping him and making love.

 

“Vitya.”

 

Viktor’s head shot up and he had to rub at his eyes to clear his vision. Yakov was standing in front of him with a coffee in hand offered out. Taking the proffered cup he noticed Mila and Georgi to his left. Mila had competed yesterday and Georgi had taken on an apprenticeship under Yakov for coaching once he had retired last year. The proper way to do it, he supposed, unlike Viktor’s sudden revelation after a YouTube video. He had to double take when he saw the hooded figure off to Yakov’s right. “Yuri...you’re supposed to be getting a medal right now.”

 

Yuri scoffed, hands shoved deep in his warm-up jacket pockets as he responded in angry Russian. “Are you joking? I don’t give a fuck about a medal, right now. None of us do. Phichit was right behind us leaving. Even that self-absorbed shit-head of a Canadian was worried. Is he…?” Yuri’s eyes softened, “Have you heard anything?”

 

Viktor lowered his gaze and shook his head, “No...nothing.” The waiting was the worst thing he had ever had to experience. The uncertainty. The unknown.

 

Mila took a seat next to Viktor and took his free hand in hers rubbing gentle circles into his skin with her thumb. “It’ll be ok Viktor. He’s so strong.”

 

Viktor couldn’t take it anymore. Falling against Mila’s chest he buried his face into her skin and cried. Instantly her arms were around him and she was whispering soothing Russian words into his hair, her nurturing instincts leading her to rock him back and forth gently for what seemed like an eternity.

 

“Mr. Nikiforov?”

 

Viktor looked up, Mila releasing her hold on him. Wiping at his eyes he set aside the untouched and probably now cold coffee and rose unsteadily to his feet. “Yes?”

 

“I’m Dr. Ishiyara. Your husband is stable, but there are some things we should discuss. If you’ll follow me, please.” He led them through the double doors into the hallway leaving the waiting room and his former team behind. The doctor spoke far better English than even Viktor. He must have studied in America, Viktor thought absently.

 

Viktor was lead into a room, the lights dimmed to the lowest level. To the right a curtain was drawn up around a bed. A lump caught in his throat at the sight, hands trembling at his sides. Yuuri. Dr. Ishiyara flipped a light on a board that showed an X-ray of an ankle on one side and a brain scan on the other. He took a seat, unable to stay on his feet any longer.

 

“The ankle isn’t bad, all things considered,” the doctor began. “He suffered a lateral malleolus fracture during the fall. It’s clean and nothing is out of place. A few weeks staying off and a cast should heal it right up. I don’t foresee this requiring any sort of surgery and he should make a full recovery.”

 

Viktor sucked in a shuddered breath and gave a small nod in understanding. This was good news, at least. But...Yuuri’s ankle was the least of his worries.

 

As if sensing Viktor’s doubts, Dr. Ishiyara frowned and moved closer to the brain scan. “Mr. Nikiforov...has Yuuri ever had any accidents in the past?”

 

Viktor’s brow furrowed at the nondescript question. “What do you mean?”

 

“Well,” he sighed as if trying to formulate the right way to go about some explanation, “This sort of accident shouldn’t have resulted in this sort of injury. The gash on his head, sure, though it looks much worse than it really is. But, normally we’d see some heavy bruising, maybe a mild-concussion at most.”

 

“What are you trying to say?” Viktor cut in angrily, tired of the doctor avoiding his point.

 

Dr. Ishiyara didn’t lose his composure, used to this sort of response in this line of work. “Yuuri’s CAT scan is indicative of prior head trauma, the kind we usually see in athletes that take part in contact sports like American Football or soccer.” Taking out a laser pointer he circled a few spots on the scan. “These lighter lines here...this is all new calcium in the bone. These are all healed cracks in the skull. Then there is this one,” he changed the pointer’s location. “I can see newer calcium along the edges, here, to where there has been an injury to this side of the head before, and it looks to be right where Yuuri landed on the ice today. The repeated hit caused a cerebral contusion that has caused some bleeding and swelling of the brain.”

 

Viktor’s hand flew to his mouth. Yuuri had fallen countless of times on the ice, but there was only once that he could really remember that he had hit his head. Yuuri had been shaken for a few days, and there had been some swelling, but he had never blacked out. Well, he supposed there were the times he slammed face-first into the wall, too, and there was no telling what had happened prior to their time together. But...surely these things hadn’t caused _this?_ A few nose-bleeds were harmless, weren’t they? “I don’t understand. What does this mean? Will he be alright?”

 

“Well,” the doctor adjusted his glasses on his nose, “We’re really unsure at this point. It’s obvious he has suffered some brain trauma as a result of the multiple injuries. There’s really several outcomes here.”

 

“Would it be anything permanent?” Viktor asked, his stomach sinking in dread at the possibilities running through his head.

 

“We won’t know anything definite until he wakes up. His brain has put him in a coma in self-defense, which isn’t a bad thing here. It will allow the swelling to go down without resulting in any worse damage. I have full confidence he’ll wake up.”

 

Viktor could feel the tears welling in his eyes again. “But what if he doesn’t?” The thought alone was completely _unbearable_ to him.

 

“Well, it’s a possibility, of course, but I don’t see him being in a coma more than a few weeks. The swelling isn’t terrible. I’m actually a bit shocked at his body’s response to it, but better for it to be overly cautious than not. I’m more concerned about what some of the bleeding and repeated hits to this location might mean. There could be some memory loss, short-term speech or mobility impediments, and even in some cases loss of vision.” Dr. Ishiyara turned the backlight off and picked up Yuuri’s file again. “You can see him, if you’d like.”

 

Viktor licked his lips and nodded as the doctor passed by him and left him alone in the room. Everything was shaking. It took all his will to move up from the seat and to the bed, hesitantly drawing back the curtain. A sharp gasp left his lips as he looked down on Yuuri, his head bandaged and his right leg propped up with a cast around the ankle. The monitor was beeping steadily beside him, reminding Viktor that he was _alive_ , despite it all.

 

Taking a seat he entwined his fingers with Yuuri’s lifeless hand and squeezed. “Yuuri...please wake up. _Please_ …I can’t live without you.” Squeezing his eyes shut he let out a wrecked sob and lowered his forehead to Yuuri’s chest and he cried and cried and _cried_.

 

/*/*/*/*/*/

 

It had been two weeks and Yuuri still slept. Everyone had come to see him since then. Yuuri’s family, the Nishigoris, Minako, Phichit, JJ, Leo, Guang-hong, Christophe, and many other skaters that Viktor didn’t even think Yuuri held any sort of relationship with. Flowers covered the room from fans and friends alike. And Yuri...Yuri had not returned to Russia after Worlds. He had rented a room at Yu-topia and had joined Viktor at the hospital almost everyday. For days he had gone on about Viktor hiring a lawyer and suing the manufacturers. The skates hadn’t even been a year old. But that wouldn’t wake Yuuri up.

 

Makkachin whined at his spot on Yuuri’s bed and Viktor placed a comforting hand on the poodle’s head. “I know, Makkachin. I want him to wake up, too.” The hospital staff had allowed Viktor to bring the dog since he was so well behaved, and the doctor had mentioned it being a successful means of therapy in coma patients before.

 

“Have you eaten today?” Yuri asked, his back against the wall and his right foot propped up. As usual, his hood was drawn up and his hands were in his jacket pockets.

 

As if that were even a question. “ _Nyet_ ,” Viktor responded plainly, clearly uninterested in the prospect.

 

Yuri growled at the response. “Yuuri wouldn’t want this, you know. Treating yourself like shit.”

 

“And how would you know what he’d want?” Viktor snapped, although he hadn’t meant to.

 

“Because it’s  _you_ ,” Yuri huffed, not very bothered by Viktor’s angry response. “It doesn’t take a fucking genius to know that the most important thing to Yuuri is _you_.”

 

Viktor placed a hand to his temple and rubbed at it irritably. “I know..I’m...sorry.”

 

Yuri shrugged. “Let me go grab you a sandwich, at least? Something, anything. The food isn’t too shitty here.”

 

Viktor was going to reluctantly agree when Makkachin shot up and barked. His eyes widened when he felt pressure on his hand. Yuuri was grabbing his hand! Immediately he sprung to his feet knocking the chair backwards.  “Yuuri?!” Yuuri’s eyes flung open and he was gasping, clearly in some sort of panic mode sending Makkachin into a fury of barks. “Yuuri! Someone get the doctor! Yuuri! Calm down! Yuuri!”

 

Yuri was quickly turning on his heel and flying out of the room in search of a doctor or nurse. Viktor tightened his grip on Yuuri’s hand viciously and raised the other to Yuuri’s cheek, his husband instantly still at the touch. Viktor’s heart was beating just as widely as Yuuri’s, completely in sync with the wild beeps from the monitor. “Yuuri…” His voice was quivering with nervousness. “Yuuri, you’re awake.”

 

Yuuri didn’t look at him, his eyes cast straight up at the ceiling. “Vik...Viktor...why are the lights out? I need… I need to see you.” His voice was a tragic whimper pleading.

 

Viktor sucked in a breath and his eyes went wide. Squeezing Yuuri’s hand again he felt his body grow extremely cold. “Yuuri...what do you mean?” _There could be some memory loss, short-term speech or mobility impediments, and even in some cases loss of vision._ Loss of vision. Oh god…

 

The beeping on the monitor increased, signalling Yuuri sending himself back into a panic. “Please! I need to see you. Turn the lights on.”

 

Viktor could feel the hot tears streaming down his cheeks as he brought Yuuri’s knuckles to his lips. “Yuuri...the lights are on.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, first off, obligatory Episode 10 WTF HOLY SHIT IS THIS REAL LIFE? CAN THIS SHOW GET ANY BETTER?? EVERY WEEK IT DOES
> 
> Secondly, GOSH GUYS! ANOTHER HUGE ROUND OF SUPPORT FROM ALL OF YOU I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!!! Also somehow a stupid text post about chapter 10 now has 2000 notes and I've never....I'm a nobody on Tumblr so how?!!!!
> 
> Thirdly, you'll notice a change in a few of the tags. I thought about it, because, well, there's been a lot of controversy in the fandom about shipping Yurio with other characters because of his age. Doing this in my story might alienate some readers.
> 
> But.
> 
> What? Is Yuri supposed to stay 15 forever???? Is Yuri never supposed to fall in love with anyone??? He's 18/19 in this story so you know, the boy deserves some love and he and Otabek were hella fucking cute!! Can we as a fandom not spread hatred and just let people do what they are going to do? I've had to deal with enough hate with the SPN fandom over the years.
> 
> Also, enjoy the ending while you can because that hope won't last. 
> 
> Unbeta'd, so sorry for any mistakes!!!
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr @catcherinthebrightlight

The first time Yuuri had woken up, the nurses had to sedate him. Once he had realized that the darkness was not a result of turned off lights or missing glasses he had lost it. Despite Viktor’s best efforts to calm him down Yuuri had screamed incomprehensibly and lashed out.  It had been an accident, Viktor was sure, when a flailing fist hit him square in the jaw. It didn’t make the ache lessen any, though. Against the nurses’ pleas, Viktor had refused to leave until Yuri had dragged him out of the way.  Once Yuuri was peacefully sleeping again Viktor noticed the thin red lines across his eyelids. 

 

The second time Yuuri had woken up, he had cried uncontrollably into Viktor’s chest. Viktor had said nothing for the longest time, simply holding him tightly with his chin resting atop his head rocking him back and forth. When the sobs had lessened he had pulled away and placed feather light kisses against every tear and then every scratch on his eyelids whispering over and over how it would be ok and that they would get through this together. Yuuri had fallen asleep in his arms, and Viktor had curled up on the sliver of bed that he could. It hadn’t mattered that he was uncomfortable.

 

The third time, Yuuri had cried again but this time it was silent. He didn’t respond to any of Viktor’s attempts at conversation, his only words whispers to Makkachin who curled up in his lap and tucked his head under Yuuri’s chin. His fingers were curled into the brown fur tightly, but the poodle made no attempts to protest no matter how Yuuri tugged. Viktor didn’t push it, taking a seat in his usual chair and just waiting.

 

Dr. Ishiyara came into the room an hour after Yuuri had woken. One of the nurses must have notified him. Viktor was thankful to break the silence. Setting his clipboard down he moved towards the end of Yuuri’s bed and began conversing in slow Japanese, conscious of Viktor’s presence. “Good Morning, Yuuri. I’m Dr. Ishiyara. How are you feeling?” There was no response, but the good doctor took it in stride. “Are you in any pain right now?” A small nod. “From your ankle?” Another nod. “Can you tell me on a scale from 1-10 how bad it is?” Yuuri didn’t say anything. With a patient sigh and a smile Dr. Ishiyara adjusted his glasses. “Yuuri, I need you to respond so I can have the nurses get you something.”

 

Yuuri seemed to shrink on on himself, like he was being yelled at. “ _ Go _ .”

 

“Ok,” the doctor nodded, finally satisfied. Pulling a small light from his pocket he approached the side of the bed opposite Viktor so he could get close to Yuuri. “I’m going to shine a light in your eyes, ok, Yuuri? I may also touch just around them.” Yuuri nodded, giving him the ok to proceed. He flashed the light several times in each eye, but paid special attention to the right before placing a few fingers around his left socket. “Interesting.”

 

“What?” Viktor asked, his body tensing at the doctor’s choice of words. 

 

Ishiyara dropped the light back into his pocket and held his hand up to Yuuri’s right eye. “Yuuri, I want you to concentrate really hard with your right eye. Can you see anything at all?”

 

Yuuri’s jaw clenched and he looked like he might start crying again. “No.”

 

“Ok, what about now?” The doctor started moving the hand back and forth in a quick motion.

 

Yuuri flinched. “I...A shadow? Maybe?”

 

Viktor could feel his pulse racing. A shadow. That was  _ something _ . “What does this mean?”

 

Sucking a deep breath Ishiyara straightened and crossed his arms, switching to English so Viktor could better understand. “Well, his pupil didn’t dilate at all on the left side. This is not surprising given the injury was sustained on the right side of the head.”

 

“So it’s opposite?” Viktor asked, making sure he had heard that correctly.

 

A nod, “Yes, a little confusing but makes perfect sense medically. The  _ good _ news here is that the right pupil, although extremely slight, did give some sort of reaction to the light and it seems that Yuuri can see movement through shadows. This indicates to me that once everything with your head injury heals up, you’ll regain your sight to some degree in that side. To what extent, I can’t say, though. Could return fully, or he could maintain severe blurriness or darkness.”

 

Viktor watched closely for some reaction from Yuuri, but he remained unmoving, eyes staring straight ahead. “Could it be corrected with glasses?”

 

“No,” he shook his head, “the damage here is not to his eyes but rather the way the brain processes what and how he sees the images before him. Once we have a better idea of the long-term effects there are specialists that deal with rehabilitation after brain injuries.”

 

Viktor could feel his nails digging into the skin of his palms as he absorbed everything that was being said. There were too many emotions. Too many probabilities. Too many unknowns. “This...this only applies to his right eye?”

 

“Well,” Ishiyara drew in a deep breath, “It’s been close to three weeks since the accident. If he was going to regain sight in the left eye then I would have expected to see some evidence of that by now as we have seen with the right. Usually the swelling in the brain is what causes temporary blindness and once we see that go down the sight usually returns. Not to say that he won’t, but-,” he titled his head apologetically, “I just can’t really say either way. Traumatic brain injuries are not an exact science.”

 

“I...understand.” No. He didn’t understand. Viktor didn’t fucking understand  _ any _ of this! Yuuri didn’t deserve this. 

 

“Yuuri, do you have any questions for me right now?”

 

“I…” Yuuri shrunk in on himself again, embarrassed. “I’m kind of hungry.”

 

Dr. Ishiyara chuckled, “I’m sure you are. I’ll have the nurse bring you something to eat and get you something for your ankle. We’ll keep you a few more days for monitoring. If everything looks good, then we’ll start our next steps from there, ok?”

 

Viktor waited until the doctor had left the room, but even after he found his voice shaky and lacking confidence. “Yuuri…”

 

“Don’t,” Yuuri snapped, though his face scrunched up in immediate regret. “Don’t…” it was much softer this time. “Just…” he held out a hand, his arm moving like he was trying to find Viktor.

 

Viktor met him half-way, just like he always had, curling their fingers together as he brought their joined hands to his lips. “I’m here, Yuuri. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

 

They could get through this. Together.

 

/*/*/*/*/*/

 

Yuri looked at his watch for the fifth time in five minutes and growled. Viktor had called him over an hour ago saying he was ready to go back to Yu-topia and get a proper night’s rest. Visiting hours were over for anyone that wasn’t a relative, though, so he was stuck just  _ waiting _ . Viktor had barely left the hospital since Yuuri had been admitted. How long had it been since he’d showered? Yuri wrinkled his nose at the thought. No wonder he fucking stunk. Yuuri had lost his sight, not his sense of smell. 

 

Yuuri.

 

His jaw clenched at memory of Yuuri waking up. He had never seen him so frightened and hurt. It was like watching a caged animal. Yuuri annoyed the ever living  _ fuck _ out of Yuri, and he and Viktor had only gotten worse as the years went on but...shit. The only person he might ever wish this on was JJ. Fucking prick.

 

A sudden vibration shook him from his thoughts and he fumbled around in his pocket to pull out his phone.

 

_ Incoming Call: Otabek<3 _

 

Yuri immediately felt himself calm down and with a fond smile he answered the call. “Hey…”

 

_ “ _ _ Maxabbat...I haven’t heard from you in a few days. I was worried.”  _ Otabek’s calm voice came over the receiver.

 

Immediately Yuri was sinking into the chair, his whole body relaxing at the familiar and missed voice. Otabek had offered to stay in Japan, but Yuri had turned him down not knowing how long he’d be here. “Yeah...sorry. It’s been a crazy few days...Yuuri woke up.”

 

_ “What?! That’s great news!”  _ Yuri clenched the phone at Otabek’s joy and a quick silence fell over them, his lover picking up on the discomfort without having to see his face.  _ “Yuri...what’s...what’s wrong? What is it?” _

 

For a moment, Yuri thought better about telling Otabek the truth. Yuuri and Viktor wouldn’t want this getting out to anyone just yet, but..Yuri also trusted Otabek more than anyone, and he needed someone other than Viktor to talk to about this. “Yuuri...he’s blind.”

 

He could hear the gasp on the other end of the line.  _ “...what? How?” _

 

“Apparently, that idiot has hit his head before and probably never saw anyone about it,” Yuri scoffed angrily. Stubborn. Just like his clueless husband. “He hit his head where there was already damage and I guess...it just finally took its toll. The doctor thinks he might be able to see partially out of his right eye again but…We don’t know anything for sure.”

 

_ “...Yuratchka,”  _ Otabek’s voice was soft and laced with sweet honey. It made Yuri feel a warmth not even the onsen could provide.  _ “I’m here for you. Whatever you need...Call me at anytime, and if you need me to come back just say the word.” _

 

Yuri smiled. “Hold that thought,  _ lyubov moya _ . Let’s...just wait and see what happens, ok?” His eye caught movement at the door, Makkachin bounding through first followed by Viktor. “Hey, I have to go, Viktor’s here. I’ll call you when I get back to the onsen, ok?”

 

_ “Sure…Give him my condolences.” _

 

Yuri hummed in acknowledgment and ended the call, his heartstrings pulling just a tad in sadness. As if a switch was flipped, he frowned at Viktor. “Thanks for making me wait, asshole.”

 

Viktor only smiled as Makkachin tugged at the leash towards the door. “Let’s go.”

 

Instantly the switch was flipped again and his frown disappeared as he fell instep behind Viktor towards the automatic doors leading out. “Hows...he doing?”

 

“He’s resting.”

 

That was all Yuri could get out of him the rest of the night.

 

/*/*/*/*/*/

 

Yuuri had always had a fear of the dark. Growing up he had always had a small light that kept his many posters of Viktor bathed in a soft blue glow during the night. Even now, Viktor had changed the setting on his phone to keep the screen on throughout the night showing nothing but the clock so that he’d have something. 

 

Now, Yuuri had to potentially live in the dark forever.

 

When he had awoken in the darkness and Viktor had not been there, he felt himself spiralling into another panic attack and he had somehow managed to fall off the bed completely. His bad ankle had hit the frame on the way down and even though the cast had prevented any further damage, it throbbed painfully in tune with his heart. He had stayed on the floor in a tangled mess just sobbing until a nurse finally came to his rescue. 

 

Then there had been the water cup incident. The nurse had walked him through exactly where she was putting it, helping guide his hand to it a few times so that he could have a feeling for it. But a few hours later when Yuuri had needed to take a sip, he had misjudged the distance and ended up knocking it completely over. 

 

He cried again.

 

Viktor must think him such a burden. It was probably why he hadn’t shown all day. 

 

But Viktor did come.

 

“Sorry, sorry!” He had apologized profusely. “I must have really needed the sleep. But I brought Yurio!”

 

Yuuri could hear Yuri grunt at his husband’s enthusiasm. “Glad to see you’re alive, pig.”

 

A smile tugged at the corner of Yuuri’s lip. One thing he could always count on despite it was Yuri’s never wavering honesty. It allowed him to relax, even if just a little. Something heavy landed on his lap causing him to jolt, a wet nose to his cheek greeting him happily. “Makkachin...I missed you this morning.”

 

“Did you sleep well?” Viktor asked.

 

Yuuri frowned, happy that Viktor had not been there to witness his meltdowns and embarrassing accidents. “No...I...it’s hard to sleep without you.”

 

“I’m still here, thanks,” Yuri growled. Viktor chuckled. 

 

“Yu-uri,” Viktor whined, drawing out his name extra long. “You have so many cards and flowers. I thought I could read some to you, if you’d like! Oh, this one is from Chris! It says-,” Viktor paused. Yuuri could almost hear the frown. “Oh...you know what, maybe I won’t read that one. In fact, I think I’ll be calling him later today.”

 

“I’m sure that drawing is to scale,” Yuri snorted.

 

A chuckle found it’s way from his mouth, wild thoughts going through his head at what Christophe had written or...well...drawn. “No, no, what’s it say? Tell me!”

 

“I am not saying!” Viktor objected.

 

“I’ll read it-Hey!”

 

“You will not!”

 

Yuri and Viktor started arguing in Russian and Yuuri laughed. He  _ laughed _ . For a brief moment, Yuuri allowed himself to feel joy. To feel like nothing had changed and things would continue on as they always had. 

 

For a brief moment, he felt hope. 

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so emotionally wrecked after episode 11. You guys have no idea how much I related to Yuuri and his anxiety and how real it all was for me. It's really hurt me, and I'm still feeling it a day later. Fuck. 
> 
> Anyway....it put me in the right mood to write all this. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @catcherinthebrightlight

Whatever hope Yuuri might have had in those moments with Viktor and Yuri had quickly vanished. The more the days went on, the more the reality of his situation was truly setting in. There had been small things, of course, like trying to eat or simply not being startled by anyone who came in without announcing themselves. But then they had finally taken out his catheter and he realized just how  _ helpless _ he was. The nurse had been so patient and understanding and did his best not to make Yuuri feel uncomfortable, because  _ Christ _ he had to have someone help him pee, but it had only made him feel worse by the the end of it. 

 

When Viktor’s visits started to become staggered - and without Makkachin when he  _ did  _ come - Yuuri began to feel all the anxiety and self-doubt start to drown him. It shouldn’t have been surprising, though, should it? Yuuri was now nothing but a burden. Why would Viktor ever want to deal with that? Fingering the gold band he bit at his lip and wondered just how much longer he’d be wearing this.

 

“Neh, Yuuri, you’re going to hurt yourself thinking that hard.”

 

Yuuri’s chin raised in surprise at hearing Mari’s voice. “Nee-chan...what are you doing here?”

 

“What, I can’t come visit my little bro?” Her voice was definitely condescending, but in only a way a sibling knew how. “What’s on your mind?”

 

Yuuri clenched his hands and swallowed hard, the sound seeming to echo in the room. “Is….is Viktor….is he leaving me?” There was silence. It seemed to last forever and Yuuri could feel his breathing increase in a panic and eyes started swelling with tears. A pair of arms wrapped themselves around him and he found his face buried in warmth, the familiar scent of smoke filling his nostrils. He couldn’t help but let out a sob.

 

“ _ Baka _ ,” Mari whispered, rubbing soothing circles against his back. “Why would you think that? Viktor loves you more than anything. Of course he isn’t leaving you.”

 

“But he,” he hiccuped, gripping his sister’s shirt tightly, “hardly comes anymore. And when he does it’s always so short and-and-” he had to pause to let out a large sob, “Makkachin….”

 

“Yuuri,” Mari removed his hands from her shirt and took them in her own, gripping tightly as if trying to bring him back into reality, “Yuuri.  _ Breathe _ . In. Out. In. Out.”

 

Yuuri matched his actions with her words, focusing on her voice to pull himself back together. Mari had always been there to help with anxiety when he was younger. She had always been the best person to get him through his attacks. 

 

“Yuuri, Viktor hasn’t been here because he’s been working all day and all night doing research and trying to make the onsen and your house safer for you.”

 

A gasp caught in his throat and he could feel himself grow tense in shame. “...what?”

 

“Yesterday he and Pops were putting a ramp in at the front so you didn’t have to worry about tripping and falling on your face. Though,” she chuckled, “Viktor probably shouldn’t work with tools, to be honest. He’s not exactly what I’d call a handyman.”

 

Yuuri let out a mixed laugh-sob and lifted a hand to wipe at the tears, trying to imagine Viktor doing any sort of construction. “You must think I’m so stupid…”

 

“Of course I do,” she agreed, “But I also think your husband is an even bigger idiot for not telling you. He’s so clueless sometimes, geez…” She drew in a deep breath. “As for Makkachin...I don’t actually know on that one. Viktor hasn’t even been bringing him to the onsen. You’ll have to ask him. Don’t read too much into it, though, kiddo. I know how you get.”

 

For once, Yuuri didn’t bat away her hand when she ruffled his hair. Instead, he leaned into her touch and made small talk with her about their parents and the onsen until he found himself drifting off to sleep.

 

/*/

 

Viktor had come back the next day. Makkachin was not with him, but he had brought a stuffed version that had been thrown on the ice after his short program and Yuuri had clung to it desperately, unable to muster the courage to ask where the real dog was. Yuuri could hear the exhaustion in Viktor’s voice as they talked and it only made him feel guilty. He knows he shouldn’t. He knows that Viktor is doing all of this out of love but...the feeling was still there. The feeling was  _ always _ there.

 

Since both parties were present, they had sent in the specialist that would help with Yuuri’s rehabilitation with his sight. Yuuri couldn’t see her, of course, but he imagined Dr. Kagawa as tall and beautiful with such a whimsical voice. Dr. Ishiyara had specifically requested someone who was fluent in English taking Viktor into account with all of his decisions. Yuuri was extremely thankful for it. Although Viktor had a fairly good grasp of Japanese, it was important that all of this communication be understood without worrying about anything being lost in translation.

 

“It is very important that Yuuri begin his rehabilitation in someplace that feels very familiar and safe to him,” she began. “This will allow him to feel comfortable while he works through learning to adapt without his sight.”

 

Yuuri could feel his jaw clenching. He was blind, not deaf. All the doctors talked  _ about _ him not  _ to _ him.

 

Viktor hummed in agreement next to him. “I was thinking we should stay at the onsen for a while, Yuuri.”

 

He just nodded in agreement. It made sense, of course. Yuuri had grown up there and knew it far better than their homes in Hasetsu and St. Petersburg. Even now he could picture the steps that would likely cause him to fall flat on his face. For crying out loud, he had tripped over the one spot that separated the actual spring and the changing room even when he  _ could _ see.

 

“I know that Dr. Ishiyara had indicated that it is a probability you’ll regain some level of sight in your right eye, but for now we are going to design a program with the assumption things stay as they are,” she explained. “Viktor, any sessions that you can attend would be beneficial to both of you. This will allow me to offer any suggestions in the home or in his daily activities that can be made to better assist Yuuri.”

 

Viktor hummed, “Of course. I will be there every step of the way. Will the rehabilitation sessions always be held at our home, then?”

 

“With this sort of rehab we really like to hold sessions in a combination of places to help better orient the patient, especially to places they frequent. By evaluating homes, workplaces, and schools, we can determine any environmental modifications that need to be made. You spoke about staying at an onsen? Do you have more than one place you stay frequently?”

 

“Yuuri’s parents own an onsen in Hasetsu. We also own our own home there and in St. Petersburg. I am sure I can apply what I learn here to our home there, or find someone local in Russia.”

 

Yuuri felt that feeling of guilt rise up again. Would Viktor even want to bother taking him to Russia now? Wouldn’t it be too much trouble? Of all the places that was where he was the least familiar and the most likely to be a bother. He hugged the stuffed dog tighter.

 

“Ok, once Dr. Ishiyara decides on a discharge date then we will decide when to start our first session.”

 

Thankfully, that date looked like it was going to be sooner rather than later. Yuuri wanted to go  _ home _ . All his scans had come back looking positive, but the doctor had some concerns sending a blind man home in a cast and crutches. Understandable, he supposed. Thankfully, his ankle seemed to be healing very well and they removed the cast and put him through his first physical therapy session. He didn’t have full range of motion yet, and it still felt like a bad sprain, but he could put weight on it and hobble around hanging off the arm of Viktor.

 

It was enough.

 

Viktor was helping him get dressed out of the hospital scrubs and into his regular clothes when he paused and sucked in a breath with enough worry even Yuuri could tell something was wrong. “What is it?”

 

“Minako just texted me,” Viktor began. “We can’t go out the front.”

 

“What? Why?” Yuuri felt around with his foot for his shoe and slipped it in. Thankfully, tying shoes without seeing wasn’t too much of a task. 

 

“It’s full of reporters.”

 

Yuuri felt himself pause in the middle of tying the bow. “....what?”

 

“I don’t know how this happened,” Viktor breathed, voice full of exasperation and panic. “They only thing I released to the press was that you were awake and we were still evaluating the injuries. It looks...she said there was some sort of internal leak about your blindness and your release. Oh Yuuri, I’m so sorry, I -,”

 

Yuuri’s could feel tears starting to well up in the corners of his eyes. Anger. Sadness. Self-pity. All of those emotions were whirling around within him. It was inevitable that it would leak to the press, but he had wanted it to be on  _ his _ time. Did any of their friends even know, or had they found out through the internet?  With a sniff he blinked back the tears, a few falling, and finished tying his shoe. “It’s fine. We’ll deal with it.”

 

“Shit, my phone is blowing up,” Viktor started cursing in strings of Russian. “I’m turning the damn thing off. Come on. Minako said she’d meet us out back. We should hurry before they catch on.”

  
Viktor called for the nurse and Yuuri was guided into a wheelchair. It was hospital policy, and even though Yuuri could walk, he’d be slow and hold them back. Swallowing his pride he allowed himself to be pushed down the halls. He knew the moment he was outside, the crisp air and smell of the coming Spring filling his nostrils. The breeze felt amazing against his skin. 

 

“Ah! Yuuri! Viktor! Over here!” Yuuri easily recognized the voice of his long-time mentor. “I’m so sorry,” Minako apologied over and over. “I hate that this happened!”

 

“Lets just get Yuuri home,” Viktor waved her off.

 

Yuuri felt a pair of arms curl under his armpits and another beneath his legs as he was hoisted into the back of the vehicle. It was easier to just lay there and allow them to move him.

 

“Yuuri, are you comfortable?” Viktor asked, the sound of the seat-belt clicking.

 

“Mm,” Yuuri just hummed, a slight nod of his head. He wasn’t. Not really, but the quicker they got out of here the better. The doll was a comforting weight in his arms, giving him something to focus on. He could hear Viktor thank the nurse in Japanese and two sets of doors closed as the engine ignited. 

 

Minako let out a huge sigh of relief. “Thank god! I was so worried! Who do those assholes think they are, anyway?! You find out someone is tragically blind and the first thing you want to do is hound them trying to get out of the hospital?! Disgusting!”

 

Yuuri could feel Viktor’s eyes piercing his very soul. He knew what they were trying to ask.  _ Are you OK?  _ No. He wasn’t. He wasn’t at all. It wasn’t until he felt a drop fall on his hand did he even realize he had started crying again. If Viktor noticed, he didn’t say anything, listening in silence to Minako’s increased mixed ramblings of English and Japanese. 

 

Yuuri dozed off somewhere along the way but was instantly roused when the vehicle came to a stop. As soon as the door opened he was overwhelmed by the familiar smells. Already his senses seemed to be compensating. The cherry blossoms were in full bloom. Viktor and Minako both helped him out, but it was Viktor who kept an arm wrapped strongly around him in support as they started to walk. 

 

It scared Yuuri at first, unable to see where he was going, but he trusted Viktor. They moved slow and he felt Viktor guide them in certain directions to avoid obstacles. Viktor instructed him when to step up or down and although he had scuffed his foot on a loose board on the ramp, Viktor’s steady hold kept him completely upright. 

 

“ _ Tadaima _ ,” Viktor spoke cheerfully, Yuuri assuming they had stepped in to the common room.

 

“Oh, Yuuri!” Yuuri felt Viktor’s arms be replaced by his mother’s. Yuuri couldn’t remember the last time he had wanted to feel his mother’s embrace so much. “My poor boy! Your father and I have been besides ourselves!” He could tell she was crying. “Are you hungry? You must be. I should make you some katsudon.”

 

Yuuri could hear his stomach growling at the mention of food. “Ah, yes! Please! I’m tired of hospital food.”

 

Hiroko patted his cheek. “Oh, I bet you are! Well you just make yourself comfortable and don’t worry bout a thing. Toshiya! Get Yuuri and Viktor some water, could you?!”

 

“Cushions are about ten steps, ok?” Viktor prefaced before taking hold again and starting to maneuver them to the table.

 

Yuuri could feel his foot kick a cushion and he halted. Even with Viktor guiding him to sit he hit his knee against the wood on the way down. “ _ Itaii! _ !!!” He cringed, rubbing at the kneecap once he had finally made it all the way down.

 

“Sorry, sorry!” Viktor apologized, rubbing the offended kneecap as well.

 

“It’s fine,” Yuuri groaned, trying not to wince too much as he felt around for the edge of the table and moved himself into a more comfortable position, accidently bumping his good foot against Viktor in the process. Yuuri already felt exhausted by this whole thing and they’d barely scratched the surface.

 

“Oi! I heard something about katsu- Oh...It’s  _ that _ kind of katsudon.”

 

“Oh, Yurio! Don’t worry, you heard correctly! I’m cooking up a batch right now!” Hiroko responded to the intruding voice.

 

“Yuri-,” Yuuri began, but Viktor’s fingers against his stopped him mid sentence. He could hear footsteps fading away and after a brief pause they grew louder again. Something heavy was suddenly draped over his head, a thump against his chest. “What?” He brought his fingertips up to his chest and gasped. Cold and round…”Yuri...what is this?”

 

“Your gold medal, pig,” Yuri huffed. “No way was I going to take that thing on a technicality! That’s way more embarrassing than actually losing to you fair and square!”

 

Yuuri’s fingers tightened around the medal, his heart beating in his chest. “But I...I didn’t. I can’t.”

 

“What do you mean you can’t?” Yuri growled. Yuuri felt like he was right up in his ear. “You were going to win. You landed your stupid flip. There was no way me and Ota were going to let them disqualify you and give us gold and silver like that after what happened.”

 

“He’s right,” Minako piped in. “They held the ceremony the next day after the pairs skating and there was a protest by the skaters against the judges.”

 

“W-what?” Yuuri’s mouth feel open and he sure his eyes were wide even if unseeing. Why would they do that? Why would  _ any _ of them do that? He didn’t deserve that. 

 

“Besides, it kicked JJ off the podium,” Yuri spoke. Yuuri knew he must have been grinning from ear-to-ear at that.

 

“Yuri...I...thank you.” Yuuri could feel Viktor’s fingers brushing up against the nape of his neck reassuringly. 

 

“I mean, whatever,” Yuri mused. “I’ll just win it next year. You’ll never skate again, anyway.”

 

The room went deathly silent. Yuuri’s hands froze around the medal and Viktor’s fingers stilled. Yuuri could feel himself starting to shake as the words echoed through his mind.

 

You’ll never skate again.

 

You’ll never skate again.

 

_ You’ll never skate again. _

 

“Oh... _ shit _ ,” Yuri sucked in a breath, “Yuuri, fuck, I didn’t mean it like that I-,”

 

Yuuri didn’t know such a sound was capable of leaving his mouth, hands instantly reaching up to muffle the noise, but it was long too late. His sobs were so strong they wrecked his whole body, tears coming out in a flood. He couldn’t  _ breathe _ .

 

A pair of arms wrapped themselves around him. They weren’t Viktor’s. Muffled shouts in Russian echoed in the background almost completely drowning out the smooth Japanese being whispered in his ear. Mama. His mother started rocking him back and forth, a hand gently stroking his head. Another set of arms was around him - thinner and longer. Minako. Yuuri did nothing to silence himself as he buried his face into his mother’s chest. The louder Viktor and Yuri yelled at each other the louder he allowed his sobs to get. 

 

By the end of it, Yuuri had no idea how long he had cried and how long his mother and Minako had been cradling him. The shouting had stopped and he was mostly just dry heaving. His nose was running profusely, snot mixed with salty tears.Guilt washed over him as he realized he had probably ruined his mother’s yukata. 

 

“Yuuri,” Hiroko whispered, prying her son’s face away from her chest. “Come on, my sweet child. You can’t do this to yourself forever.”

 

“We’re going to help you through this, Yuuri. I promise,” Minako added.

 

A soft tissue was placed against Yuuri’s nose by someone. He twitched slightly at the contact, but then blew into it. Any stray snot and tears were wiped away and he sucked in a quivering breath to steady himself. For a moment he thought he might feel better, but Yuri’s words started chanting a mantra again and he could feel the levy start to crack. 

 

Thicker and fuller arms wrapped around him this time. “Yuuri,” Viktor’s voice whispered, laced with exhaustion and anguish. “Please do not cry anymore,  _ lyubov moya _ . You will skate again.”

 

“But I-I,” Yuuri hiccuped, “I can’t see.”

 

Viktor chuckled and ran his thumb across Yuuri’s lower lip. “Oh, my sweet  _ kotenok _ , you could never see out on the ice, anyway.”

 

Well, it was part-way true, Yuuri decided, but he could at least make out the wall of the rink so that he didn’t face-plant in it before. Not that...he still didn’t face-plant. It didn’t make his heavy heart feel any lighter as he nuzzled his nose against Viktor’s throat.

 

“You’ll feel much better when you get some katsudon in you,” he assured.

 

“M’not hungry,” Yuuri mumbled against his skin. His stomach growled. 

 

Viktor laughed and tickled his stomach. “Oh? Really?”

 

Yuuri whined and batted away his hands, although half-heartedly. Ok...so maybe he was really hungry. His mother must have started cooking at some point because he could smell it. Something cold pressed up against his lips, and it took him a moment to realize it was the water glass. Now that he thought about it, he was thirsty after all that crying. He allowed Viktor to pour the contents into his mouth, swallowing greedily. 

 

“Better?” He asked, pulling the glass away.

 

“Yeah,” Yuuri responded with a small nod. Viktor’s lips pressed against his for a short kiss and his fingers ran along the bottom of his chin.

 

“Yuuri,” he cooed, “I meant what I said. You’ll skate again.”

 

Finding Viktor’s wrist and wrapping his fingers around them he buried his cheek into his palm. For now, he would allow himself to believe. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm fucking.
> 
> I.
> 
> I'm so shook. 
> 
> How do we go on living? How can we go on knowing nothing else in this world will ever be as good as episode 12 of Yuri!!! on Ice? How do I wake up in the morning? What will I do on Wednesday now? I don't know.
> 
> But I guess in the meantime, I can write. This kind of feels a bit filler-like, but also not...and I don't know I just hope you enjoy regardless I guess? I gotta go get back to my Mafia AU cause people are like threatening to kill me if I don't write more of that so. Yeah.

Viktor woke with a start, a loud crash echoed through the room followed by a string of cursing in Japanese and a muffled sob. Immediately he noticed Yuuri was not lying next to him and he was throwing off the covers and springing out of bed. “Yuuri!?” He found his husband sitting on the floor of the bathroom rubbing at his face, a broken vase of flowers that had been on the vanity laying in pieces next to him. “Yuuri, are you alright?!”

 

Yuuri whimpered when Viktor knelt down next to him and placed his hands on his shoulders. “What did I break...?”

 

Smiling, Viktor reached up and removed the hands from Yuuri’s face to look at him. “Not your face, thankfully. What were you doing?”

 

“I just needed to use the restroom, and I thought I could at least manage that,” Yuuri spoke softly, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “I can’t do anything.”

 

Letting out a loud sigh Viktor carefully moved the pieces into a pile and pushed them out of the way of Yuuri’s path to the toilet. “ _ Lyubov moya _ , you are still adjusting. You’ll learn, with time, and you won’t have to worry about breaking ugly flower vases.”

 

Yuuri gasped, the threat of tears gone. “You told Momma you liked that vase.”

 

Viktor grinned, “Of course I did. And I’ll act very distraught as I throw it away. Come on then, let’s take care of you.” Helping Yuuri to his feet he maneuvered them in front of the the toilet and placed Yuuri’s hand on the top of the porcelain tank so that he could tell where he was standing. “Try not to miss.” Yuuri’s face fell into a frown and Viktor kissed the top of his nose. “I’m kidding. Don’t worry about it.”

 

Turning away to give Yuuri some sense of privacy he reached in and turned on the shower so it could start warming. Once he heard the flushing sound he turned back around and watched as Yuuri felt around to make his way to the sink. Not bad. Viktor felt a rush of hope and pride. Yuuri would overcome just as he always did. “Shower with me?”

 

Yuuri wiped his hands on the towel and nodded with a blush. “I’d like that a lot.”

 

Both undressed and Viktor resisted the urge to help Yuuri until he reached the edge of the shower, afraid he might slip if he took a misstep. The water was warm and a good steam was starting to build up. Yuuri let loose a pleased groan, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. Viktor couldn’t help himself, squirting a bit of shampoo in his hands and running it through black locks massaging the scalp. Yuuri melted under his touch, and it was the most relaxed Viktor had seen him since the accident. 

 

Maybe it was selfish, but he dared to dream and he began kissing the back of Yuuri’s neck and towards his spine. Slowly he guiding Yuuri to the wall where he placed a hand in front of him to keep his face from bumping the tile until he realized what was taking place. It didn’t take long, Yuuri’s skin quivering beneath his lips as the man raised his palms and braced against the wall, his back arching and his hips rubbing up against Viktor in invitation. It had been so long. With soapy hands he trailed down Yuuri’s stomach and curled his fingers around his flesh.

 

Yuuri moaned, “Ah-Viktor…”

 

“Shh,” Viktor whispered against his ear, nibbling slightly at the lobe. “Let me take care of you.” Let me  _ always _ take care of you. He spent a lot of time just touching and exploring every bit of Yuuri with his hands. Already Yuuri was starting to get soft around the middle and he had lost muscle in his thighs with so much time immobile. But most of all, he had gained a little in his ass, and Viktor was unable to keep himself from squeezing the cheeks in his palms. 

 

When Viktor slipped in a finger Yuuri tilted his head back, baring his throat for is husband who was all too happy to oblige, lips latching onto the skin. Viktor added another finger and felt his own length twitch when Yuuri visibly shivered and sunk back onto his digits. He probably waited longer than he had to before he added the third finger, enjoying the way Yuuri’s face scrunched with each scissor and curl. It was starting to get way too hot, Viktor reaching to turn down the temperature of the water. 

 

“V-Viktor...come on, please,” Yuuri whined, hand flailing behind and feeling for Viktor.

 

The Russian grabbed his hand and guided it to his length, the two stroking together while Viktor continued to pump his fingers inside Yuuri. He let out a surprised yelp when Yuuri tugged him hard enough to move him forward and prodded his cock between his cheeks. “My,” Viktor chuckled, his cheeks burning in excitement, “Someone is eager.” With the help of Yuuri’s hand he lined up and slowly, oh so slowly, began to glide in. 

 

It was soft, but it was purposeful, every thrust calculated with a kiss or a stroke. Viktor wanted this to last, to make up for lost weeks. A hot coil start to swirl its way up his stomach too soon. Trying to keep it at bay he reached up and squeezed the base of his dick, but Yuuri chose that moment to let out a drawn out moan and circle his hips up against Viktor. 

 

Fuck it.

 

Placing both hands on Yuuri’s hips he started thrusting harder and faster with earnest. Yuuri cried out with pleasure, a hand reaching between his legs to stroke himself. “Oh, God, Yuuri…”

 

“I’m gonna-oh- _ oh!!! _ ” Yuuri was throwing his head back, mouth open wide as his release painted the shower walls. 

 

Viktor’s eyes widened as Yuuri’s insides squeezed tight around him and he found his orgasm hitting him far quicker than he had imagined. Wrapping his arms around his husband’s torso for balance he groaned, cock twitching as it finished spending itself inside Yuuri.  With a heavy panting he carefully pulled out and turned Yuuri around so that he could kiss him properly, tongue invading his mouth. “I love you so much, Yuuri.”

 

Yuuri wrapped his arms around Viktor’s shoulders and leaned in, his head resting against Viktor’s heart. “Me too.”

 

They stayed like that until the water got cold. Viktor turned off the water and pulled back the curtain to grab the towels handing one to Yuuri. They dried themselves off and tied the fluffy pieces of cloth around their waists before Viktor helped Yuuri out. He wasn’t sure what came over him, but suddenly Viktor was sweeping Yuuri off of his feet bridal style and carrying him into the bedroom.

 

“Viktor!” Yuuri shouted in-between a laugh, “What are you doing!? Unf!” They landed on the bed with a thud.

 

Viktor smiled as he propped his head up on a hand on his side, admiring the sight of his half-naked husband. “I was just so overcome with my love for you I had to do it. What can I say?” Yuuri’s smile faded. His cheeks and nose were still dusted with pink from their love making, but he was frowning. “Yuuri, what’s wrong?”

 

“I...I wish I could see it.”

 

“See what?” Viktor realized that was a stupid question in the middle of asking it. The answer was everything - anything. 

 

“Your face.”

 

Oh. 

 

“I...I always loved to look at you after...you always had this glow,” Yuuri smiled fondly, but sadly. “It was like I could see the love.”

 

Sucking a deep breath Viktor leaned in and kissed Yuuri’s lips tenderly. “You don’t need to see love, Yuuri. You just need to feel it.” There was a slight glimmer of something on Yuuri’s face, but Viktor recognized the distraction, the lost in thought gaze. Well...he sort of had that all the time, now, but still. “Yuuri, what’s on your mind?”

 

Yuuri swallowed. “Is...is Makkachin sick?”

 

Viktor’s eyes widened in shock at the question. “What? Of course not why would you-ohhhh I forgot, didn’t I?”

 

Yuuri frowned, sitting up on the bed and turning his head slightly in Viktor’s direction. “Forgot? Forgot what?”

 

Viktor had meant to tell him when they got home, but then Yuri had sent everyone into a frenzy with his careless comment. “Makkachin isn’t sick, Yuuri. He’s in training!”

 

“T...training?”

 

“Yes! Although it wasn’t easy, when I first brought Makkachin the lady was very rude calling him too old and the wrong breed. Wrong breed? What was she trying to say by that, I wonder? I love poodles. Poodles are the best! She flat out refused - ,”

 

“Viktor.”

 

“-but then another one of the works came in saw me and she pointed at me and said ‘You’re Yuuri Nikiforov’s husband!’ and suddenly everyone agreed. I guess they had heard the news.”

 

“Viktor!”

 

Viktor blinked. Oh, whoops, he was rambling, wasn’t he? Giggling he tackled Yuuri back onto the bed and threw a leg over him, his towel coming undone in the process. “Makkachin is going to become your seeing eye-dog, Yuuri!”

 

Yuuri’s face lit up with wonder. “R-really?”

 

“Of course!”

 

Yuuri sunk into the pillows with relief. “ _ Yokatta _ . I was so worried something was wrong and you didn’t want to tell me.”

 

“Nooo,” Viktor nuzzled his nose against Yuuri’s cheek. “Everything is fine, my love. Everything is just fine.” For a moment, he thought he might have finally had his husband convinced of that, but Yuuri seemed to be drawing back into himself again. “Yuuri.”

 

Yuuri sighed, knowing he had been caught, and rolled over so that his back was to Viktor. “What...what is everyone saying?”

 

Viktor was still for a moment on his back before rolling over and pulling Yuuri in tight against his chest. Once he had gotten Yuuri to settle back down after his break down and put him to sleep, he had turned on his phone to thousands of notifications. Every skater they had ever known had called or left several text messages. He answered as many as he could. To most he only responded with “Yuuri is resting at home,” without answering any of the questions around his condition. To their close friends, though, he confirmed the rumors. Yes, Yuuri was blind. Yes, he had broken his ankle. No, they don’t know anything for certain. 

 

The news articles were all just speculation about his condition since nothing had been confirmed by either himself or Yuuri, but every single one he read was true. It had made him angry, and he had made a note to reach out to lawyers to sue the hospital for a leak of confidential information. The articles that received the most buzz, though, were the ones surrounding the skater’s protest at the medal ceremony. There had been a picture of the podium, the top most tier covered in roses topped with the gold medal without a neck to hang on. It had made Viktor cry.

 

“That they are worried,” Viktor began. “That they are hurt about what happened to you. Sad that this is how everything turned out. All of your friends want to come visit. I asked for them to give us some time for that, but I’m sure they’d love to hear from you when you feel up to it.”

 

“Ok…,” Yuuri whispered.

 

Viktor brushed back Yuuri’s bangs and placed a kiss to his temple. “Enough moping. I’m hungry!” He moved off the bed, the towel sliding off, and headed towards the closet. “What are you in the mood to wear today?”

 

Yuuri shrugged, “Doesn’t really matter, does it? I can’t see it.”

 

Viktor grinned and did his best to lighten the mood. “So I could dress you in mismatching colors and styles and make you look completely ridiculous and you’d never know? I like this idea.”

 

Yuuri let out an amused huff. “You could. But I’d prefer you not. Maybe just some track pants and my favorite shirt?”

 

Yes, Viktor knew the one. It was actually his. Or rather, used to be, until Yuuri had appropriated it. It was far too long and the collar was stretched to where it showed more skin than a normal shirt on Yuuri. It was Viktor’s favorite, too. He grabbed that shirt and a shirt for himself and reached in a drawer to grab two pairs of pants. Tossing Yuuri’s clothes on his lap he began to get dressed. 

 

“Dr. Kagawa called yesterday evening,” Viktor said, trying to make casual conversation as he watched Yuuri try and feel for the tag in the shirt to decide which way to slip it on. “The specialist is coming tomorrow at three.”

 

“Hmm,” Yuuri nodded absently, pulling the tee over his head successfully. 

 

“Is there anything you want to do today?”

 

Yuuri pulled on his pants, head bowed. He had retreated again. “It’s not like I can do anything.”

 

Viktor sighed, frustrated. He hated when Yuuri got like this. Even after three years together he never quite knew what to say. “Talk to your friends. Phichit, at least. I know he’d love to hear from you, and he always makes you feel better. Just relax for the day. Do your ankle exercises and take a dip in the onsen.”

 

“Ok,” Yuuri said simply, sitting on the bed awkwardly like he didn’t know what to do with himself. 

 

Tapping his foot Viktor thought about what to do to cheer him up. With a sudden idea, he grinned. He took Yuuri’s hand and urged him up and off the mattress before turning around and guiding his husband’s hand to his shoulder. “All aboard the Viktor train!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this last night but I got distracted by my Boys laying down the law on Detroit last night. Feed Zeke.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the last chapter from Viktor's ever bubbly and optimistic POV because we are back to Yuuri with his anxiety and self-loathing.

The first day that Yuuri has to spend without Viktor is a  _ disaster  _ on so many levels _. _ It had started off with minor things but quickly spiraled out of control. 

 

Viktor had told him the night before that his therapist, Ami, was meeting with Viktor at their house in Hasetsu and walking with him on frequent routes that he and Yuuri often took. His husband was already gone by the time he finally shifted beneath the covers, the increased heat warning the end of spring waking him. At first, it had been alright. Yuuri scooted until he was on the left side of the bed and until his left knee brushed up against the night stand. From there, he stood, turned to his right, and walked exactly eight steps. Reaching a hand out, yes, there to his left was the doorway to the bathroom.

 

Their bed and bath had become fairly easy to get around since he had kept himself holed up in there anyways, but Viktor kept  _ moving _ things. After carefully getting into the shower he grabbed the left bottle which was supposed to be the shampoo, but it was the conditioner. Then, Viktor had grouped his toothbrush with Yuuri’s on the same side of the holder and, of course, even with a 50-50 chance of choosing the right one he chose  _ wrong _ . 

  
Finally showered and clothed, he navigated the voice commands of his phone to facetime Phichit needing to talk to someone in his frustration. It would take a minute or two for Phichit to get him to tilt his wrist just right so he could see him properly, but the Thai man was nothing but patient and understanding. Of course, once he had found just the right position, Phichit had informed him his shirt was inside out.

 

“Ahh,” Yuuri groaned in agitation. What was it with today?! “Are you kidding?! I was so sure…”

 

“It’s not a big deal, it’s not like anyone at the onsen cares,” Phichit had responded kindly.

 

It still bothered Yuuri. He had spent a lot of time feeling the clothes for seams and tags to make sure he was putting everything on correctly and yet he still failed. “Well...do I look ok? What am I even wearing?”

 

“You look fine, Yuuri. Grey track pants, the ones with the green stripe down the side, and a blue tee. Oh! While I have you here, I think I decided on my short-program music for this season. There’s a Thai singer I really like, she kind of fuses traditional with pop type sounds, and I’d love to do both programs to her songs. Here, let me pull it up.”

 

Yuuri had smiled, the morning’s hardships seeming to fade away as the music started to play. Every year that Yuuri could remember Phichit had chosen something that held cultural significance to his home country. He was very proud of being Thai, and Yuuri admired that. Too easily could he see a routine form in his head to the beat. This would make a good piece. “Mm, I like it. I can picture exactly where the different movements will happen.”

 

“Yeah?!” Phichit’s voice was full of excitement. “I can’t wait to put something together. I still need to figure out how I want to cut it to fit the time frame. I just want it to be perfect, you know? Ah - there’s Ciao Ciao! I gotta go. Bye Yuuri!”

 

Reluctantly, Yuuri had hung up and with nothing else to do tried to venture into the onsen to maneuver himself to the kitchen. Sure, he knew when to turn right and when to turn left...theoretically...but so often Yuuri would get disoriented and would lose track of which way he was even facing. Somehow, he had gotten completely turned around and he had no idea where he was. Without Viktor there, he didn’t know what to do, and he could feel himself being thrown into a panic attack. 

 

Back hitting the wall he felt himself slide down as he began to shake, curling his knees up into his chest as he trembled. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and it was so  _ loud _ . Why wouldn’t it stop? Where was he? What had he been doing? Where was everyone?  _ Anyone? _ He felt suffocated by the darkness. 

 

“Yuuri?! Hey, are you ok? Yuuri!”

 

A scream caught in his throat at the feeling of hands, his body shrinking in on itself at the touch. 

 

“Shit, sorry! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you! Yuuri, breathe!”

 

A pair of hands grabbed his shoulders and pushed him up against the wall. It startled him and he felt his heart skip and his breaths quicken, but that firm hold was willing him back down. Who…? “Yu...rio?”

 

“Yeah, it’s me. Breathe, Yuuri. Come on, in, out.”

 

Yuuri focused on Yuri’s words and his breathing, but it didn’t seem to be calming down at all. He wasn’t going to cry, he wasn’t going to - a wrecked sob left his lips and he started to cry. God, he was pathetic. 

 

“Fuck,” Yuri breathed softly, “What the hell do I do…? Yuuri come on, it’s ok! Shit, shit, god dammit. Fucking, Viktor!”

 

Viktor. Yuuri cried harder at the mention of his husbands name. Where was Viktor?! Reaching out, Yuuri grabbed on to whatever fabric his fingers curled around and tugged, burying his face into Yuri’s chest to cry. He could feel the other man tense up at the touch, but a pair of arms eventually wrapped around him and he let loose. 

 

“Yuuri…”

 

Yuuri felt Yuri’s fingers dig into his back and then his cheek was up against his, tightening the hug as he cried. It didn’t matter who it was at this point, Yuuri just needed someone to hold him, someone to reassure him that he was ok. 

 

“Yuuri...hey. Are you hurt?” Yuri’s voice was unusually soft.

 

Shaking his head he sniffled, the tears starting to stall and the trembles subsiding. “N-no.”

 

“Ok. Then what’s wrong?”

 

“I...I got lost.”

 

“So, what, you just started-,” Yuri stopped himself and sighed. “Ok. I’m sure that was scary. Where were you trying to go?”

 

Loosening his grip, Yuuri pulled away and wiped at his eyes. God, why was he like this all the time? This was stupid. So stupid. “U-um...the kitchen.” He felt Yuri’s fingers curl around his wrists and tug him to his feet.

 

“I’m not going to like...hold your hand or anything,” He said, quickly removing his hold. Yuuri reached out and grabbed on to the hem of his shirt. “Oh...ok. I guess that works. Ok...here we go.”

 

Yuuri allowed Yuri to guide him through the halls, although he wasn’t as slow and steady as Viktor was with him. It made him nervous, and just as he heard the sound of voices growing from the common room he hit something with his bad ankle and cried out. 

 

“Fuck! Yuuri, I’m so sorry! I forgot to tell you to step up! Shit, I’m such an idiot! Ah-hey! Can someone help!?”

 

Yuuri bit his lip hard, trying so hard not to cry again, but his ankle was throbbing with excruciating pain. He had somehow ended up back on the floor, both his hands clutching his ankle in desperation. It hurt so bad!

 

“Hey-hey, I’ve got him.” A new pair of hands were around him. “Hey, little brother, come here. It’s ok.” Mari was strong, and she lifted Yuuri into her arms and carried him to what Yuuri assumed were the cushions around a table. “Here, prop up your foot. There you go. Yuri, can you grab some ice?”

 

“Y-yeah.”

 

“You alright?” Mari asked, wiping at his tears with some sort of cloth. “Want me to get you something to eat?”

 

Yuuri shook his head. He had been hungry when he had initially set out on this adventure, but now, he couldn’t stomach the thought of food. All he wanted was Viktor. So pathetic...could he not do anything by himself anymore?

 

“Hmm,” Mari hummed, ruffling his hair with a hand. “I’m making you something anyway. You didn’t eat last night, either. I don’t need you wasting away.”

 

Something cold pressed against his ankle and he whimpered. Yuri must have gotten the ice pack. “T-thanks…”

 

“You need to eat,” Yuri said plainly. “If you don’t, then I won’t be able to call you pig anymore, and what fun would that be?”

 

With a trembling lip, Yuuri smiled. It was Yurio’s own way of apologizing. In truth, Yuuri had never really been angry with him. He knew Yuri hadn’t meant what he had said, and Yuuri had just been so emotional...like he always was.

 

Yuri sucked in a loud breath and nudged Yuuri. “Hey. You wanna help me pick out my program music? I’ve narrowed it down. Viktor hasn’t heard any of it yet...I thought maybe you might have some insight onto what he’d think.”

 

Yuuri should feel honored...everyone apparently wanted his opinion on their program music this season...was it because that was all he could do? He couldn’t see the routines and he couldn’t help pick out costumes. Either way...it was something he could do, something to try and take his mind off of things. So, with a nod, he agreed to it. He assumed Yuri disappeared for a moment to grab his laptop and headphones. His nose got a whiff of something and his stomach growled as the threat of tears dissipated. 

 

“See, you are hungry,” Mari mumbled.

 

Biting at his lower lip, Yuuri felt around carefully for the bowl and then the chopsticks that were already placed in it. Bringing his nose to it he sniffed and proceeded to stir the concoction before bringing a bite to his lips. The taste of white rice and egg melted against his tongue. It was heavenly. As he went to take another bite an earbud was thrust into his ear. 

 

“This is the one I think Viktor would like,” Yuri said before music started to play.

 

It was an orchestral piece, Yuuri thought he recognized it from a ballet. It was powerful, an intense scene that was probably some final battle between hero and antagonist. It would make an incredible free skate, but Yuri’s silence had him feeling like this wasn’t really what he wanted to skate to. “Hmm..it’s nice. Reminds me a little of what you’ve done in the past with maybe a bit more of an aggressive flair.”

 

“...this is the other piece I’m considering I...I really like this one.”

 

A heavy guitar riff filled Yuuri’s ear followed by a shrill scream. He smiled, clearly amused. Yes,  _ this _ was definitely Yuri. Up until now, Yuri had limited this sort of music to his gala performances. But...why? When it was so clearly him? “Yuri...you don’t always have to surprise people, you know? Sometimes...you should just...be yourself.”

 

Yuri was silent for a moment, and Yuuri worried if he had said something to upset him. “You...don’t think Viktor would be upset?”

 

Yuuri smiled fondly, understanding the need to always please Viktor. “I think...if it made you happy, it would make Viktor happy.” Humming, Yuri pulled the headphone from Yuuri’s ear and went silent. Suddenly, for really no reason at all, Yuuri felt his heart sink and his appetite disappear. Everyone was preparing for the new season and Yuuri...he dropped the chopsticks and buried his face into the one knee that was tucked to his chest. 

 

His ankle was throbbing in tune with his heartbeat.

 

/*/

 

_ “I should fly out there.” _

 

Yuri wanted to say YES, to shout it to the heavens. He wanted to tell his boyfriend to buy a ticket immediately and be on the first flight out of Kazakhstan. But that was so selfish. “No...Beka, you have your own things to do.”

 

Otabek chuckled fondly through the screen down on Yuri who was holding the phone above his head in bed.  _ “Like what, Yura? I told myself I would finally take a break until I flew back to Canada for the season. That isn’t for a few weeks yet. Let me spend the rest of my break with you. Please.” _

 

Frowning, Yuri rolled onto his side. “I miss you.” It wasn’t what he had meant to say.

 

Smiling, Otabek touched his fingers to the screen.  _ “I miss you, too. All the more reason I should come. I hate to see you so upset like this. Is it just because of the other day? Is he still upset?” _

 

Yuri shook his head against the pillow, “No...I…,” he swallowed hard, uncertain if he should continue on with that train of thought. It might...it might turn into a sensitive subject. “You know how Yuuri was obsessed with Viktor before they met?”

 

Otabek nodded,  _ “Of course. You showed me the posters.” _ Yuri opened his mouth to continue, but was at a loss of words. Otabek’s dark eyes widened in realization.  _ “Yura...are you...did you?” _

 

Yuri could feel his cheeks burning red and he shielded one eye with a hand. “I mean, not anymore...He’s married to Viktor and I’m really happy with you but...I...might have had some posters of Yuuri growing up.”

 

A large and rare grin danced upon Otabek’s lips.  _ “That’s so adorable! I never knew, but somehow it doesn’t surprise me. Does he know?” _

 

“NO! And don’t you dare tell him or I’ll slit your throat in your sleep, Beka!” Yuri threatened, gripping the phone much tighter than he meant to. His ears were hot with embarrassment.

 

Otabek was clearly unbothered by the threat, his chin now resting in the palm of his hand fondly.  _ “You care for him a lot. It’s why this upsets you so much.” _

 

Yuri’s grip relaxed and his scowl softened. “It isn’t fair, Beka...none of this was supposed to happen. Yuuri was supposed to win his stupid gold and they were going to live happily ever after and be disgusting together forever.”

 

_ “I know...but life isn’t fair,  Yura. All we can do is be here for Viktor and Yuuri as they need us.” _

 

A muffled sound of distress caught in Yuri’s ear and he sprung up from the bed. He didn’t hear it again, but worry boiled in the pit of his stomach. “Hey, Beka, I gotta go. I need to go check on Yuuri.”

 

_ “Ok. I’ll text you my flight information when I have it. Love you.” _

 

“Love you, too,” Yuri’s was response was probably a little stand-offish as he hurried to end the video and he made a point to apologize about it later. Hopping off the bed he slid the door open to his room and stepped out into the hall. Body still, he listened. It was already getting dark and the inn’s guests had mostly retired. Naturally, Viktor was late. He had sent a text saying he had gotten caught up with Makkachin and his trainers, but Yuri was fairly insistent that he get home ASAP as he went through the day’s events in detail. When he had let Yuuri know of his husband’s delays, it was just another nail in the coffin.

 

Crying.

 

Fuck. Tightening his grip on the door he drew in a deep breath trying to decide what to do. Dealing with a crying Yuuri was nothing short of  _ exhausting  _ and he really didn’t even know how to handle it properly. He hated when people cried because it was annoying. But...he hated it when Yuuri cried because it was sad. Clenching his jaw he made up his mind and headed down towards Yuuri’s room. With a polite knock he called out to announce himself and slid the door open. The older man was curled up against the wall next to the closet, hands firmly clasped around his left foot. Yuri could see blood. 

 

With hurried steps he crossed the room, green eyes searching for what could have caused this. The gold blades of Viktor’s skates caught in the light. One of the guards had slipped off and they had been tossed in the open instead of hung, easily stepped on trying to grab something. “Argh, he’s so fucking careless! Yuuri, let me see.” Bloody hands pulled away and Yuri bent down for a better look at the long thin slice. “It doesn’t look deep, just bleeding like hell. Hold on.”

 

Pushing himself back onto his feet he scurried to the bathroom and started rummaging through drawers and cabinets until he found the medical supplies. After grabbing the bandages and antibacterial cream he wet a rag with warm water and carried it all back to Yuuri. As gently as he could he wiped the wound and applied the cream, covering it with a large piece of gauze before wrapping it with a bandage. With the rag he wiped up the small puddle of blood and cleaned Viktor’s skate.

 

“I-I’m sorry,” Yuuri hiccuped. “I don’t know why I keep crying.”

 

“You sliced your foot open on an ice skate. I’d probably be crying too,” Yuri shrugged as he secured the guard back on the blade and hung the pair up by the laces properly and out of the way. 

 

“It’s not that,” Yuuri shook his head, his body vibrating with his shuddered breaths. “E-everything keeps going wrong and I ju-just keep screwing everything up. Everyone keeps having to look out for me and-and I’m such a burden.”

 

Yuri finally snapped, unable to take this self-loathing anymore. “Shut up.” Yuuri froze on the ground, blank eyes wide. “Just.  _ Shut. Up.  _ No one  _ has _ to do anything, Yuuri. We look out for you because we want to and because we care. What’s such a  _ burden _ is that you can’t seem to realize that! I didn’t have to come in here and get my hands all bloody, but I did. Because I care. Ok? So just,  _ shut up _ and let us take care of you.”

  
Yuuri didn’t say anything, but his sniffles quieted and his shivers stopped. With careful arms Yuri helped him to his feet. “Come on. Viktor will be home soon. You wanna wait for him in the living room?”

 

Shaking his head he winced, now both feet crippled with some sort of injury. “No...I just...so tired…”

 

“Ok,” Yuri sighed, helping him to the edge of the bed. It was a conflicting feeling, upset that Yuuri was still retreating to his cocoon but also agreeing that it was best to just keep him away from anything and everything for the rest of the day. Once curled beneath the covers Yuri turned to leave him alone, but a hand tugged on the cuff of his sleeve before he could get off the mattress.

 

“Stay…,” Yuuri pleaded, voice so small it could barely be heard. “Just...until Viktor gets back.”

 

Green eyes widened at the request, mouth falling open slightly in surprise. His heart was thumping in his throat. “I...um.”

 

“Please.”

 

Looking down at Yuuri’s bloodshot and tired eyes, Yuri couldn’t refuse no matter how loud he was screaming at himself to do so inside. “Ok.” Deciding to stay on top of the covers he settled on his side facing Yuuri, though sure to keep a good distance between them. It felt strange to be doing this with someone other than Otabek...different...and yet...a warmth still crept up his spine. 

 

Reaching out across the span that separated them he laid his hand on Yuuri’s and squeezed. “It’s going to be ok, Yuuri. I promise.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuri's actions and feelings are nothing more than a really supportive friend/family member that just USED to have a crush on Yuuri. So, don't take that for anything other than what it is. I hate that I feel the need to clarify, but I just could smell the comments miles away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!!! For those of you that read Omerta, you know that I have been heavily invested in that lately. Also, this chapter is literally NOTHING like it was supposed to be, but I think after Omerta that is a refreshing fact haha!!!
> 
> Here, have something heart wrenching and fluffy. You all deserve it.

Viktor moaned as Yuuri shifted against him. It had been a long and exhausting night and he was nowhere near ready to wake-up just yet. Plus, there was nothing on the schedule for the day so why bother? “Neh, Yuuri...five more minutes.”

 

Yuuri moaned and shifted in Viktor’s arms again before speaking, voice heavy with sleep, “V-Viktor?”

 

“Mmm,” Viktor hummed in response, tightening his hold on his husband. He could feel Yuuri relax against him and he snuggled his cheek against the pillow thinking he had won. Makkachin then gave a whimper and shoved his way between their entwined legs.

 

“Ah! Makkachin!?” Yuuri ripped himself from Viktor’s hold, the top of his head smacking Viktor’s chin in excitement.

 

Groaning and accepting defeat Viktor rolled over onto his back and opened his eyes. Makkachin was licking Yuuri’s face excitedly, his tail thumping against his shin with a steady rhythm. Yuuri was _smiling_. Feeling his heart swell with joy at the sight, Viktor allowed the annoyance of his sleep deprivation to fade away. “Ah, he’s so happy to see you.”

 

Yuuri’s hands were all over the dog, petting him everywhere as he continued to happily lap at his skin. “Yuri said you were busy with him, but I didn’t think you were bringing him back!’

 

Frowning, Viktor rolled his head so that he was staring up at the ceiling. Yuri’s texts had been frantic, begging and pleading for him to get home as soon as possible. “Well, I wasn’t going to. That wasn’t the plan, anyway. The trainer wanted to keep him another week, but...Yuri told me what happened.” He was such an idiot! Making sure the guards were on and the skates were properly stowed was just basic skater 101. “Yuuri, I’m so sorry, I was so careless, I wasn’t thinking-,”

 

Yuuri’s hand landed on his forearm at first, but then his fingers slid down over his wrist and then squeezed once their fingers were laced together. “It was an accident.”

 

Moaning in frustration Viktor rolled onto his side. The Russian was always messy and cluttered and it had always been Yuuri who kept their homes presentable. “I know, but, Yuuri, I have to be more careful. You were always the neat and organized one. I don’t know how I will do it without you, _lubov moya_. How will I know whether the milk goes on the bottom or second shelf in the fridge?” Yuuri smiled and it made Viktor flutter, his deferral tactic a clear success.

 

“Shall we write labels? Draw a diagram for you, maybe?” Yuuri suggested, a small laugh under his breath.

 

It was a joke, but Viktor thought that maybe that wasn’t such an awful idea. If it made sure Viktor put things back where they were supposed to go and it made it easier for Yuuri, then why not? He would do it. Bringing Yuuri’s knuckles to his lips he kissed them and settled his head in his husband’s lap with Makkachin finally settled back at the base of the bed. “Seriously, though, I’m so sorry, my love. The cut isn’t too bad, is it?”

 

“Mmm, it aches a bit, but Yurio said it wasn’t too deep.” Yuuri said, rolling and flexing his feet under the covers to test both cut foot and bad ankle. “I should be ok with a few pain pills.”

 

Yuuri’s hands were in Viktor’s hair, slowly petting, and Viktor let himself mewl and nuzzle deeper into his husband’s lap. This was nice. “What do you want to do today, Yuuri? We should get you out now that we have Makkachin.”

 

“I don’t…,” there was clear hesitation in Yuuri’s voice, his fingers tightening in Viktor’s silver locks. “It’s not like I can really do anything.”

 

“Sure you can,” Viktor argued, rolling onto his stomach and throwing his arms around Yuuri’s torso. “You can walk, can’t you? And eat? I know! Let’s go grab coffee and breakfast at our spot. It’s not far and you can get some fresh air. You haven’t left Yu-topia since the hospital.” Viktor could feel the hesitation seeping from Yuuri, but he hoped he could convince him. It wasn’t good for him to stay so cooped up all the time. He had to move forward…

 

“Ok.”

 

Viktor looked up with surprised blue eyes. “Ok?”

 

Yuuri smiled, even though his eyes didn’t move to meet his. “Yeah. Ok. I...I’m sure the cherry blossoms are really beautiful this time of year.”

 

Smiling softly Viktor sat up and kissed his husband deeply on the lips, a finger lingering to trace under empty eyes sadly. “I will describe them to you in excruciating detail.”

 

The two showered and changed, Viktor helping Yuuri put a fresh bandage on his foot. Yuri was right that it wasn’t too deep, but the foot was slightly swollen. Viktor rummaged around for the pain killers and made sure Yuuri took a few before slipping on his sneakers. He made a note to make him ice it later, too. Once securing Makkachin’s harness and handing it and the leash to Yuuri, they stepped outside of Yu-topia and into the beautiful spring air.

 

“Ah,” Yuuri sighed, breathing in deep. “The sun feels so good. And the smells...there’s so much going on. It’s almost overwhelming.”

 

Viktor smiled, the feeling indescribable seeing his husband like this. There was so much hope in such a small moment. “Well, they do say that your other senses enhance if you lose one. It would make sense you could smell things you didn’t before. Come on, Makkachin, let’s show Yuuri what you’ve learned!”

 

Makkachin let out an excited bark and lept forward to follow Viktor, the motion jerking Yuuri slightly off guard for a second until they fell into a steady walk. Viktor couldn’t help but continually look over at the pair in worry, but Makkachin was trotting along carefully and happily, and Yuuri seemed confident on the other end of the leash and harness. Hasetsu was just so quiet and there seemed little Viktor even needed to worry about. There weren’t too many people and traffic was minimal so the dangers were less. It made all their fights over St. Petersburg vs Hasetsu a moot point, now. For Yuuri’s safety, if nothing else, it would be Hasetsu. Suddenly, Viktor didn’t even care anymore. All of this was about Yuuri, now. He’d heard Minami was looking for a new coach, and Yuri had already agreed to move if needed.

 

“Neh, Viktor, tell me everything. Are the blossoms white or pink? Are there clouds in the sky, or is it clear?”

 

Viktor chuckled at Yuuri’s enthusiasm and at the fact he already knew one of the answers. The blossoms along this road _always_ bloomed pink. “Hmm, well, let’s see. The blossoms are white this year. It’s quite strange.”

 

“Eh?!” Yuuri halted suddenly, head slightly tilted towards Viktor with wide eyes.

 

“I’m just kidding,” Viktor grinned, although feeling slightly guilty at the deception. “They are pink, as always, my sweet Yuuri.”

 

“Viktor!” Yuuri whined as they continued on, “You can’t say things like that!”

 

“I’m so sorry, forgive me?” Viktor pleaded, a hand on his heart. Right now, he was so happy he thought it might burst from his chest. “The sky is clear. Not a cloud in it. The ocean is fairly calm, although I’m sure you could guess that since the breeze is so light.” They came to a crossing and Makkachin sat patiently and swivelled his head, just as he had been trained. Viktor couldn’t help but be impressed seeing the training in action. The cafe was across the street and Makkachin happily led Yuuri safely across and sat just outside the fenced patio area. Viktor opened the gate for him and they moved next to a table.

 

“Ah, are we here?” Yuuri asked as Makkachin once again took a seat.

 

“The chair is just to your left,” Viktor instructed as he took his own seat.

 

Carefully, Yuuri felt around, finding the table first, before maneuvering his way into the chair. “Ah, _yokatta_. That went way better than I thought it would. Makkachin is so smart! And it helped, you talking to me. It kept me from worrying so much.”

 

“You were amazing, Yuuri,” Viktor beamed. Makkachin protested with a small whine and he laughed while giving him a pat on the head. “So were you, Makkachin!”

 

“Oh my gosh! Yuuri! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you here!” A small bubbly woman waved as she bounced up to them, two menus in hand with bright green eyes and dark hair. “And Viktor! _Ohayo_!”

 

Viktor took the menus and smiled graciously. “ _Ohayo_ , Aiko!” Whenever Viktor and Yuuri had been training in Hasetsu, they were regulars here at the cafe. Aiko had become their usual waitress.

 

“I read about your accident,” Aiko started, biting at her lip hesitantly. “I’m so sorry. No one really knew if what they were saying was true or not but I guess…”

 

Cursing inwardly and jaw clenched, Viktor looked over at Yuuri. He should have made some official statement to the media, but it had never been at the forefront of his mind. Now, though, there would be no doubt. Already there were people out with their phones taking pictures. For once, Viktor was glad Yuuri could not see it. Yuuri’s eyes were cast down, hands in his lap with a frown. “We’re working through it, thank you for your concern. Could we just get our regular order, please?”

 

“Oh! Of course!” Aiko scrambled to gather up the menus and clutch them to her chest. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. I...it’s good to see you guys!”

 

Sighing, Viktor watched as Aiko retreated and turned his attention back to his husband. “Yuuri-,”

 

“It’s fine,” Yuuri snapped a little too quickly. “It’s fine. She didn’t mean any harm by it. I guess...we have to face it at some point, don’t we?”

 

Viktor’s phone chimed and there was a message from Christophe with a link. Christ. The photos were already circulating and it had barely been five minutes. There was no doubt, though, as a picture of Yuuri and Viktor at their table popped up, the focus on Makkachin and the service-dog vest that he proudly wore. Christophe’s message was at least kind: _Glad he’s doing ok_. “We do...but it should be at your own pace. If you don’t want to say anything, Yuuri, we don’t have to.” Aiko returned with their drinks and set down the two cups, but she did not linger. “It’s on your left. About ten centimeters from the edge.”

 

Yuuri’s fingers carefully inched up and across the white tablecloth until he touched the hot ceramic and curled around the handle. “I...I want to make the statement but...I don’t want to talk to anyone.”

 

“I understand,” Viktor nodded. And he did. They’d pry and ask invading questions that Yuuri was not mentally ready to answer no matter how much they’d rehearse ahead of time. “We’ll write something, together. I can do our own instagram post. That way, it’s official, but we don’t have to speak to anyone about it directly. Plus, I want a cute photo of you and Makkachin anyways. I wish you could see the two of you, so adorable!”

 

“Viktor-,” Yuuri whined in protest, but he could already feel the shift in the table at Viktor’s movements to get a photo.

 

Leaning just slightly out of his chair he opened up the camera app on his phone. It was perfect, just like this. Natural and not posed. Yuuri had wanted nothing more than Viktor to be himself, and that was all he wanted in return. So, he took a photo, Yuuri being himself with a dusting of pink across his nose and cheeks with one hand on the coffee mug and the other on Makkachin’s head. It was perfect. Almost...There was a clear cloud starting to form in Yuuri’s left eye...the one the doctor said would likely never regain any sort of vision. The spots of silver almost looked like diamonds in his eyes. A smile twitched on his lips at the thought.

 

Aiko returned with their meals and Yuuri eagerly started eating. At least his appetite hadn’t seemed to fade at all. Silently, Viktor hummed pleasantly to himself at the thought of Yuuri gaining _just a bit_ of weight back. It was a selfish thought, surely. Choosing the best filter Viktor started thinking about the message they would write. “Is there anything in particular you want to say?”

 

Yuuri paused between bites and frowned as he thought. “I don’t know...I guess just that I’m thankful for all the support of our friends and family and that I really just want to be left alone about it.”

 

Taking a bite of his own food Viktor tried to formulate that feeling into something a little more...eloquent. After typing out a long post he re-read it and decided it would be as good as it was probably going to get. “Ok, Yuuri, listen to this:

 

_Enjoying a wonderful breakfast with my favorite katsudon @yuuri_nikiforov!! <3 It’s his first time out since the accident and he is in good spirits! Both Yuuri and I want to say thank you to everyone who has contacted us and offered their condolences and support. It has meant a lot to us that so many people care. Right now we are are just taking things easy and going day-by-day. _

 

 _Unfortunately, life is full of unexpected events. What happened at Worlds was a tragedy and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could turn back time to change what happened. But, the world keeps turning and we must learn to adapt. Thankfully, my husband and I are lucky enough to do this together. Yuuri’s family and I are with him with every step of his recovery and we ask that everyone please respect our privacy during this difficult time._ ”

 

Humming, Yuuri took a sip of his drink and nodded. “Yes...that’s fine.”

 

Viktor could tell that no, it wasn’t really fine, but he also knew his husband well enough that he realized no sort of admission to the incident would ever be fine. So, he posted the picture and silenced his phone knowing there would be many incoming notifications over the next few hours. “Yuri mentioned that Otabek was coming to Hasetsu. Are you ok with that?”

 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Yuuri asked, a huge portion of his meal on the end of his fork before stuffing it in.

 

“I know you and Otabek are on friendly terms, but I didn’t know how comfortable you’d feel with him around given the circumstances,” Viktor explained. He had voiced the same opinions to Yuri when he had been told the news, but it was too late to really change anything. Otabek had already boarded a plane early this morning.

 

“It’s ok,” Yuuri shrugged. “I know it will make Yurio happier. But...Viktor…,” His face fell. “The season is fast approaching and you and Yuri haven’t settled on programs yet. Are...do you need to go back to St. Petersburg?”

 

Sucking in a surprised breath Viktor reached across the table and took Yuuri’s hand. “Yuuri...no. I’m not going anywhere. We are staying in Hasetsu. I’ve already talked with Yuri about it...he’s going to stay here with us to train. And besides, he’s already been working on his programs on his own. He’s experienced enough to make his own programs. I trust him.”

 

Yuuri’s face only fell further. “But...Russia is your home I don’t-,”

 

“Yuuri,” Viktor cut in forcefully. “My home isn’t Russia or Japan; It’s _you_. I don’t care where I coach as long as you are there with me. Now stop pouting and finish your food.” He gently forced Yuuri’s chin up with a few fingers and pulled back.

 

With a sigh Yuuri continued eating in silence, sliding a piece of food to Makkachin underneath the table. Viktor totally saw it but only smiled. It really was a beautiful day, and it would be good to keep Yuuri out in the sun as much as possibly. Studies showed it could really improve one’s mood. Maybe they could go to the beach? Aiko came by with the bill, clearing the plates, and Viktor left more than enough behind.

 

“How are you feeling? Still up for adventure?” Viktor questioned, managing to shove his phone into his pocket without peeking at the notification screen.

 

Yuuri’s smile was back, even if it was slight. “Yeah. I want to stay outside as long as possible. The beach? That way Makkachin could run around a bit.”

 

Viktor grinned at their shared ideas. “But who would make sure you didn’t trip and fall?”

 

“You,” Yuuri answered without hesitation. “Just like always.”

A small blade pierced Viktor’s heart, even though it hadn’t been intended. Yuuri placed so much faith and responsibility in him, but Viktor had failed. He had let Yuuri fall. And yet...he still believed in him. Viktor didn’t deserve his trust. Licking his lips, he decided it was best not to comment and risk upsetting Yuuri again and instead went ahead and got to his feet triggering Makkachin into action.

 

“Viktor, is everything ok?” Yuuri asked while he got coordinated with Makkachin and the harness, clearly sensing the tension.

 

“Of course, _lubov moya_. Let’s go to the beach.” Viktor leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to Yuuri’s forehead for reassurance.

 

It took mere moments to cross the street and find a path down to the beach, Viktor finding a good spot on a ledge underneath some cherry blossom trees to sit. Once he was sure Yuuri was situated he undid the buckles of Makkachin’s harness and let the poodle free, the dog immediately running eagerly towards a flock of seagulls. Viktor chuckled and kicked off his shoes and socks so he could dig his feet into the sand. It felt good. Yuuri did the same, though he was much more conscious of his injured foot. Viktor had done a good job bandaging, but he’d make sure Yuuri washed it out well once they got home.

 

“It feels so nice out,” Yuuri sighed, his body swaying slightly before he allowed his head to rest fully on his husband’s shoulder. “Thank you. For convincing me to go out.”

 

Viktor wrapped an arm around him and kissed his forehead. “I’m so proud of you, Yuuri. This was a big step for you and you’ve done so well.”

 

“I…,” Yuuri paused, his body turning into a protective cocoon as he snuggled closer to Viktor. “It probably sounds stupid but...When I’m with you, I feel like it doesn’t matter that I can’t see. As long as you are there, I feel like I can handle it. It’s like...you are my eyes.”

 

Tears began to swell in the corner of Viktor’s eyes and he shut them tight pulling Yuuri in closer to his side. “It doesn’t sound silly at all.” He didn’t deserve this praise and it killed him.

 

“But…,” Yuuri’s hand reached up and clenched at Viktor’s shirt. “The days you aren’t there...I feel so hopeless. And it’s stupid, because you have your own life and you can’t always be around and I have to learn to adapt but-” he paused, a hiccup indicating he was crying now. “Viktor...I’m so afraid.”

 

“Yuuri-,”

 

“I’m afraid I’ll forget. I’ll forget what the color blue looks like, and then I’ll forget the ocean and the sky and then your _eyes_.” Yuuri’s body shivered with a loud sob. “I’m so afraid I’ll wake up one morning and I’ll no longer be able to imagine your face. And I-I-I can’t bear the thought of it!”

 

Viktor’s words caught in his throat, his lips trembling as he tried to form words - any words - to say. There was only a choking sensation, caught between the desire to scream or cry. It was more than just the now and the future, it was a fear of losing the past. The thought had never occurred to Viktor and it made the guilt shatter his heart even further.

 

“The other day, when you were gone,” Yuuri’s sob was full of so much pain Viktor thought he could die from it right then and there. “The thought felt so unbearable I just wanted to end it. I thought that dying while remembering you would be better than living on and forgetting.”

 

Trembling, Viktor squeezed Yuuri with all his might, his tears falling in full force onto raven locks. “Don’t. Don’t ever say that, Yuuri. Don’t _ever_ say any of that ever again.” Slowly, he began to rock Yuuri back and forth, the sea-breeze carrying away their tears. He should have known. He should have seen the signs. How _stupid_ was it for him to leave him alone with just Yuri to fall back on?

 

“V-Viktor,” another hiccup, but Yuuri was slowly pulling away from his husband’s chest. Tears streaming down his face his hands started to trail up Viktor’s damp shirt. Gentle fingers moved up over his muscled chest and then slid up the tender skin of his neck before reaching his face and pausing. “C-can I? Please?”

 

Eyes fluttering closed, more tears spilled out as Viktor felt his heart completely disintegrate with helplessness. “You don’t ever have to ask, Yuuri.”

 

Yuuri’s fingers began to trace over his cheeks and then his nose, thumb padding over his lips and lingering before moving back up over closed eyes and across his forehead. “I think your hairline got worse.”

 

Viktor choked on a half-laugh half-sob and covered Yuuri’s hands with his own against his cheeks. “I, for one, will be glad that this is the last memory you have of my face, then, my katsudon! You’ll never have to witness me going bald and getting wrinkly!” Pulling Yuuri’s hands away he kissed the palms over and over and over. “Promise me you’ll come to me when you feel like that, Yuuri. I don’t want you to ever think you are alone in this.”

 

Yuuri’s fists clenched around Viktor’s hands, but he slowly nodded and curled into his husband’s protective embrace, a few cherry blossom petals landing on his cheeks as he did so.

 

Watching Makkachin in the distance, Viktor rested his chin on Yuuri’s head and pulled him completely into his lap, one arm curled around his legs and the other around his torso. “I will be your eyes Yuuri...forever and for always.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri would never make those sounds again with his own blades. He’d never try a quad flip again and he’d never get scolded by Viktor for thinking too much and flubbing the landing. He’d never be able to get on the ice and teach children to keep their arms out for balance and chastise them when they leaned too far forward or relied too heavily on the toepick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Wahoo!!! We've reached what I more or less consider the climax of this story, so I'm sad to say we are on a downhill run. I won't run to fast, though ;D As always, thank you for all your continued support, kudos, and comments! I love all of you!
> 
> A/N: THIS CHAPTER WAS EDITED ON 1.26.17. PLEASE RE-READ THE SECOND HALF. Thanks :D

 

 

“I want to go skating.”

  
The voice startled Yuuri who hadn’t heard the younger man come into the living room, far too occupied by Viktor stroking his hair. Listening carefully, he could hear two sets of footsteps. Otabek must have been there, too. He had gotten in late last night, but clearly wasn’t too bothered by the jet-lag to be up this early. Or maybe Yuri just dragged him out of bed anyway. That was a very likely scenario

 

“Then go skating,” Viktor answered, arm curling tighter around Yuuri.

 

Yuuri could hear Yuri huff loudly. “That’s not what I meant and you know it, Viktor! I need to start working on my routines!”

 

“Yurio, there’s plenty of time. Enjoy the time off. I’m not saying don’t skate, you should keep up your form, but there’s no need to get ahead of yourself.” Viktor sounded annoyed, but Yuuri only picked up on it because he had lived with him for three years. 

 

“I’ll go with you,” Otabek’s calm voice interjected. “I brought my skates.”

 

“See? Otabek will go with you. Problem solved.” Viktor stopped to ruffle Yuuri’s hair soothingly before he continued to stroke it. 

 

Yuuri could hear Yuri stomp a foot down angrily with a growl. “Viktor!”

 

Sighing, Yuuri untangled his limbs from Viktor and sat up on his lap. “We should go.”

 

Viktor hummed in question. “You want to go?”

 

To be honest, he wasn’t sure. Going to Ice Castle and being unable to do anything would probably upset him and truly bring home his situation, but...there was such a  _ longing _ Yuuri had for it. Even if it meant feeling the chill of the rink on his skin and just hearing the blades scrape against the ice. He needed it. “Yeah. Besides, it’s too hot...it would feel nice.” Yuuri could feel the sweat through his cotton shirt. Cuddling with Viktor surely wasn’t helping, but it had felt too nice to be bothered by it. 

 

“Ok,” Viktor responded simply, though there was a spark of happiness there. “If you want to go, we’ll go. Should I call Yuuko and make sure the rink is available?”

 

“Mm,” Yuuri nodded. “It should be this time of day, but just in case.” Viktor shifted beside him and his presence was gone, assumed to have gone to grab his phone and call the rink.

 

“Bring your skates, Katsudon,” Yuri said, voice almost demanding.

 

Yuuri could feel his body tense as a mixture of fear and depression started to coil in his throat, threatening to turn to bile. “No.” How could Yuri even think about him skating let alone have the gall to say it to his face?

 

“Stop moping around! You’ll feel way better if you just got out there! I’m not asking you to go do a quad flip for fuck’s sake.”

 

“Yuri-,” Otabek’s voice warned softly.

 

“I said  _ no _ ,” Yuuri hissed, fists balling angrily. “Makkachin.” His hand reached out and he found the dog’s collar. The poodle was tall enough he didn’t have to bend down too low for the dog to help maneuver him towards his and Viktor’s room so he could change. He was not doing this right now. He couldn’t. It was going to be hard enough just stepping into Ice Castle without having a mental breakdown but Yuri wanted him to  _ skate _ ? Not to mention his ankle! He could barely jog for a few minutes on the treadmill with it during therapy without it being unbearable. 

 

“Yuuri? Are you alright?” Viktor asked. He must not have gone far down the hall.

 

“I’m fine,” Yuuri sighed, halting Makkachin. “Did Yuuko say we could come?”

 

“She said as long as we go now we can have the rink for two hours. You sure you are alright with this?” 

 

A hand came up to caress his face and Yuuri melted into it. “It’s fine, really. I was just going to grab my jacket and some gloves.”

“I’ve got it. Go ahead and get Makkachin ready to go,” Viktor instructed as he placed a kiss on Yuuri’s cheek.

 

“OK...Makkachin, time to go!” The poodle barked excitedly and turned them around to head towards the door where his harness hung up on a hook above the piles of shoes. Viktor was especially bad about throwing his shoes around and some of the guests could be bad, too. Yuuri had tripped over them more than once as a result. He tripped a lot these days...well, more than before. It was exhausting, not to mention painful. Even though he couldn’t see them, Yuuri could feel the bruises all over his thighs and his stomach from where he would run into the edges of counters and anything else that stuck out. He was getting better, but was still far from perfect.

 

It took some fumbling, but eventually Yuuri figured out the right way for the harness and got Makkachin to sit still long enough to get it secured. It was frustrating. Oh so frustrating how much longer it took him to do the simplest of tasks. Sensing his distress, Makkachin gave him a few comforting licks to the palm of his hand. 

 

“Are you ready?” Viktor’s voice broke his thoughts like a soothing balm.

 

Yuuri hummed, as ready as he’d ever be.  “Yeah.” The warm air hit him like a freight-train, the humidity almost suffocating. It was so much different than Russia where it was extremely comfortable this time of year. Yuuri wasn’t sure which he preferred: harsh summers or harsh winters. Not that it mattered anymore, he guessed...They weren’t likely to go back to Russia anytime soon. Despite Viktor’s words, he still felt so guilty and responsible for everything. 

 

“We’ll meet you at the rink,” Yuri had said simply, before Yuuri could hear him and Otabek start off at a run past them. 

 

“Yuuri? Did something happen while I was on the phone?” Viktor questioned.

 

Yuuri sighed, frustrated that Viktor could pick up on it so easily. Was it him or Yuri that had given it away? “It’s nothing. Yurio was just being Yurio. I think he’ll be in a better mood after he skates.”

 

“What did he say?” Yuuri could hear the tension in his words.

 

“Vitya-,” Yuuri warned, wanting his husband to drop it.

 

“Ok, ok,” Viktor caved, reaching out and placing his fingers in Yuuri’s free hand. 

 

Yuuri was thankful for the silence the rest of the way, Viktor’s hand a comforting weight on his left and Makkachin’s harness on his right. The stairs up Ice Castle were a little harder for Yuuri to navigate, Makkachin all too eager to bound up without waiting. Yuuri tripped once, but Viktor was there to catch him. A quick scolding to the poodle resulted in an apologetic whimper and a much more careful pace. It was obvious that Viktor had worked with Makkachin’s trainer around Ice Castle, the poodle knowing exactly how to maneuver through the lobby and into the rink towards the bleachers. Yuuri was impressed and said as much.

 

“Well, I was kind of hoping that you would eventually want to come here, though I wasn’t going to  press it,” Viktor admitted. “So, I asked the trainer to work with him here. Are you ok, then, while I go drop off my things in the locker room and put on my skates?”

 

“I’m fine,” Yuuri assured, taking a seat and pulling on the jacket and gloves Viktor had handed him. Yuri and Otabek must have already been out on the ice. He could hear the scraping of blades and soft Russian being spoken. Something about that sound and the cold air of the rink against his skin had his heart suddenly dropping in his chest. It wasn’t longing that Yuuri felt, it was  _ dread _ .

 

Viktor’s voice was loud and boisterous as he announced his presence on the ice. Yuri responded, clearly agitated at his coach’s enthusiasm. They were speaking Russian. Even though Yuuri had been trying to learn his husband’s language just as much as Viktor had tried to learn Japanese, he was still far from fluent. Yuri especially spoke too fast for him to catch much, and that dark feeling in the back of Yuuri’s mind started to stir again, far more eager with each passing moment. 

 

Among the fast-paced chatter and the sounds of practiced jumps and spins, Yuuri found himself spacing out and drawing in further and further on himself. Yuuri would never make those sounds again with his own blades. He’d never try a quad flip again and he’d never get scolded by Viktor for thinking too much and flubbing the landing. He’d never be able to get on the ice and teach children to keep their arms out for balance and chastise them when they leaned too far forward or relied too heavily on the toepick. 

 

Suddenly, Yuuri’s lip started trembling and he couldn’t  _ be here _ anymore.

 

Everything was shaking, his hand quivering as it felt around Makkachin’s fur and finally found the cold metal of the harness bar. “Home.” The poodle seemed to understand, the tags of his collar jingling as he moved to stand and began leading Yuuri out of the bleachers and towards the exit.

 

Viktor was calling his name.

 

Yuuri ignored it, urging Makkachin to move quicker until he was jogging down the steps and they were running, the pain in his ankle neglected as they moved. It wasn’t until Makkachin dragged him to a halt suddenly that he realized he had started crying, his nose starting to clog with snot. Makkachin tugged on the harness, indicating it was safe to move again after he heard a car whiz by. They did not run, Yuuri’s breaths coming out harsh and heavy. He was out of shape. He was also without Viktor.

 

The fear of not knowing where he was had the tears falling harder, his hand gripping the harness tighter. He couldn’t honestly expect Makkachin to know exactly how to get back to the onsen, could he? What if they had taken a wrong turn? What if he was  _ lost _ ? Makkachin stopped him again and let out a bark. Scrambling around in his pocket, Yuuri pulled out his phone and asked it to tell him where he was, the worry building in his chest. His phone spat out his location in answer. 

 

Makkachin hadn’t taken him to the onsen. Makkachin had taken him  _ home _ . 

 

With a shaking hand Yuuri reached out and touched iron, the gate to their traditional styled home. It squealed as he pushed it - he should make Viktor fix that - and he carefully started up the small sidewalk he knew led to their front door. He didn’t have the key on him, but they kept one under the rock on the right side of the garden. Hopefully it was still there. There were two steps to the door - which he managed to remember last minute - and he somehow bumped into it taking too large of a step up. Rubbing his nose with a small groan he knelt down and started feeling around through the overgrown plants and soil before his palm slid across a smooth rock. Pushing it aside his fingers curled around cool metal and he fumbled with the key for a few moments before it slide into the lock and turned with a click. 

 

It felt strange stepping in their home for the first time in almost a year. It smelt clean, at least, like their hired maid had maybe been there just recently. Shutting the door behind him Yuuri bent down and removed the harness from Makkachin as quickly as his unsteady hands would allow him. He needed his meds. He had to make all of this  _ go away _ . The voice had finally fully woken in the back of his head sometime during his run and it just kept talking and talking and  _ talking _ .

 

_ You’re broken. _

 

_ You’re a burden. _

 

_ Viktor doesn’t want you. _

 

_ Just end it. _

 

Stop. Stop.  _ Stop. _ Yuuri could feel the tears coming on stronger as he stumbled through the hall, trying to remember the layout of their home and how to get to their bathroom. He knew he kept a bottle of his anti-depressants in every one of their homes. Finally, after running into a few walls and into a few pieces of furniture, he felt his hands touch cool granite - the counter of their double vanity. The medicine cabinet was above the toilet to the right. Using the counter to guide him he slid over and reached around, eventually landing on the knob that opened the small door. Picking up each bottle in the line he shook them, trying to determine what was a pill bottle and what was deodorant or hair products. Finally narrowing it down to two bottles he popped the lids and felt the pills. One was a capsule and the other wasn’t, easily allowing him to identify the correct one to take. 

 

_ You’re broken. Don’t bother. You can’t be fixed. No one wants you. _

 

“Shut up,” Yuuri’s voice quivered, his hand shaking as he tried to count out the appropriate amount of capsules, but the small pills slipped back down into the bottle each time. “Viktor loves me...he loves me.”

 

_ He doesn’t. He hates you now that you can’t see. Now that you can’t skate. _

 

“SHUT UP!” Yuuri let out a loud sob before knocking back the entire bottle.

 

/*/

 

“YUURI!” Viktor shouted, barging in the door to the onsen, sliding it open with a bang. He doubled over, severely out of breath as he had sprinted all the way home. “Where is Yuuri!?”

 

“Yuuri?” Toshiya questioned from his place on the floor, a soccer game playing on the screen for the guests and himself to watch. “Isn’t he with you?”

 

Viktor took a few breaths, a hand running through his long bangs as he shook his head. “He just ran off with Makkachin. I thought he’d be here.”

 

“He’s still not answering his phone,” Yuri breathed from behind him, Otabek close on his heels. 

 

“Oh god,” Viktor’s hands flew to his mouth. He was going to be sick. Yuuri could be absolutely anywhere. Lost, alone, afraid. Worse, he could be hurt! “Papa, you’re sure he isn’t here?”

 

Toshiya shook his head, the lines in his old face turning to worry. “I would have seen him if he had come home. Heard him, at bare minimum.”

 

“Is there anyone else we can call?” Otabek suggested. “Anywhere else he’d go, maybe?”

 

“I’m calling Minako,” Mari’s gruff voice spoke, the woman sometime having entered the room in all the chaos with her phone to her ear. She spoke in quick Japanese, but it obviously wasn’t good news as she shook her head in the men’s direction. 

 

The panic and anxiety was overwhelming. Viktor’s legs gave out completely beneath him, Yuri barely catching him in time to keep him from falling as dead weight to the floor. “Oh god, oh god. Yuuri, where is he?!”

 

“Vitya, pull yourself together!” Yuri hissed angrily, fingers gripping the man’s arms painfully. “You aren’t helping Katsudon by freaking out like this! Give me your fucking phone.” Viktor scrambled to reach back into his pocket and pull out the device, Yuri snatching it forcefully and scrolled through the apps. “You put a tracker on his phone, right? Back when we were first in Russia in case the idiot got lost? As long as his phone is still on...there!” Yuri turned the phone and shoved the screen in Viktor’s face.

 

Blue eyes grew wide at the displayed address, his fingers tentatively taking back his phone. “That’s...he’s home.”

 

“I’ll drive you,” Mari said quickly, grabbing her keys from the hook by the door and slipping on her shoes. 

  
It was a tight fit in the small car, but no one complained, everyone far too worried about Yuuri to care. It was a quick ride, Viktor not even waiting until Mari had pulled in the driveway to hop out of the vehicle and dash up the door. It wasn’t locked. 

 

“YUURI!” The lights were all off, but that was no surprise since light or dark made no difference to Yuuri anymore. “YU-,” Viktor halted as Makkachin came sprinting up to him whining, his tongue darting out to lick his hand with worry. “Makka, where’s Yuuri?” Sure that he had his master’s attention, Makkachin turned around and dashed down the hall, the group following after him into the master bedroom. “Yuuri!?” The bed was still perfectly made and nothing was out of place. Where was he?! “Yuuri!” Makkachin bound into the master suite and barked twice. 

 

Viktor came crashing to a halt as he dashed through the doorway to their bathroom, a hand gripping the doorframe to keep him upright. Yuuri was curled up on the floor, skin pale in the dim room, body convulsing. The little light that washed in from the window illuminated the green bottle laying next to his hand. “Oh my god.” Viktor couldn’t move.

 

Otabek brushed past him, their shoulders colliding roughly enough to physically move Viktor to the side. Kneeling down, the Khazak picked up the bottle and read its contents. 

 

“Oh fuck! Beka! Should we call an ambulance!?” Yuri’s panicked voice rang out, hands grabbing the side of his own head and gripping blonde locks tightly. 

 

How could he do this? How could Yuuri  _ do this _ ?! Viktor had asked him to tell him if he was feeling like this. He promised! Viktor felt like he was in some sort of nightmare, everything moving around him agonizingly slow.

 

“Ok, Yuuri, this is going to really suck, but I need you to sit up and stay awake, ok?” Otabek apologized preemptively as he gently grabbed the Japanese man’s shoulders and pulled him up into a sitting position next to the toilet.

 

“I-I’m so sorry,” Yuuri sobbed, eyes red from crying. “I didn’t mean to! I didn’t mean...I just wanted the voices...the voices to sto-hop,” he hiccuped loudly, a strong shiver rippling through him. 

 

“Oh my god, Yuuri!” Mari had finally caught up to them, quickly pushing past the Russians to kneel next to her brother.

 

“I’m calling an ambulance,” Yuri insisted, pulling out his phone and dialing the emergency number. He was immediately greeted with swift but calm Japanese. “Fuck, I- Mari!”

 

With a trembling hand Mari reached out and took the phone and took over. Wiping at her eyes she ended the call and handed the phone back. “It shouldn’t be long, the hospital isn’t too far away.”

 

Viktor sobbed, falling to his knees and curling his arms around his husband’s torso, his face pressing into his lower back below Mari’s hand. It was hard to tell where Yuuri’s shivers stopped and Viktors began, his tears coming like waterfalls against his cheeks as he listened Yuuri’s heavy breaths.

 

“FUCK!” Yuri kicked at the wall angrily. “There has to be something we can do?! We can’t just stand around and do nothing!”

 

“That’s all we can do,” Otabek responded, slapping Yuuri’s cheeks gently. “Stay awake, Yuuri.”

 

“How are you so fucking calm about all of this?!” Yuri growled, hands balling into raging fists.

 

“Because,” Otabek began simply, taking a hand towel and soaking it cool water before draping it over Yuuri’s head, “I tried it once.”

 

After an agonizing amount of time, Makkachin let out several barks as a knocking rapped against the front door. Mari was quick to her feet, sprinting out of the room to greet the paramedics. They were talking with Mari in rushed voices as she brought them into the room. Yuri stepped aside immediately out of their path. 

 

“Viktor, come on,” Mari encouraged, pulling on his arms. “You need to let them get to Yuuri.” It took a moment for Viktor to process what Mari had asked of him, and even then his body refused to move without extreme effort and concentration on his part. 

 

Otabek picked up the empty bottle and handed it to the nearest paramedic who looked at it and nodded, saying something that seemed like a question. “Um, I’m sorry I-,”

 

“How much?” He asked in accented English.

 

“Oh, he said about half,” Otabek responded.

 

The two paramedics worked together to pick up Yuuri carefully and were putting him on a stretcher that had been brought into the bedroom, the four standing back and watching helplessly. They trailed behind them as they moved outside to load him.

 

“You should go with him,” Viktor insisted. “You’re his sister.”

 

“And you’re his husband,” Mari objected, shaking her head. “Besides, I have the car. We’ll be right behind you.”

 

Wiping at the tears he nodded and pulled Mari into a tight hug before stepping into the ambulance for the second time.  _ Be strong. Just a little while longer. For Yuuri _ . Yuuri whimpered his name and he quickly reached out for his hand, their golden rings catching the light. “I’m here, Yuuri. I’m here. Everything is going to be ok.” Would it, though?  _ Yuuri. I feel so helpless. What can I do to help you? Please, tell me! _

 

Everything was a blur to Viktor once they arrived at the hospital. None of the nurses seemed to speak much English, and he had to wait for Mari to arrive to learn any information. Yuuri would be ok, but they would want to monitor him for at least twenty-four hours. It wasn’t a fatal dose. They would run bloodwork every few hours and he’d be put on an IV to help flush his system. He was awake and stable. They could see him if they wanted. 

 

Yuuri started crying as soon as they entered. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean -  I wasn’t,”

 

“Yuuri,” Viktor hushed, leaning down to kiss his forehead and swiping his bangs to the side, his own tears falling again. “It’s ok. I know. I know you didn’t mean it...but you’re still hurting, my love. You’re hurting so much. What can I do?”

 

Reaching out for his husband’s hand, Yuuri curled in towards him. “Just stay. Please.”

 

“Always.”

 

/*/

 

They’d all spent the entire night at the hospital, no one willing to leave even if Yuri and Otabek had been kicked out of the room after hours since they weren’t family. Mari stayed with them, leaving Viktor and Yuuri with their privacy. The next afternoon, Yuuri had been released, his bloodwork normal. They were left with strict instructions to monitor him for any vomiting or chills and to make sure he was drinking plenty of water. They had also recommended Yuuri speak with someone, to which he gave no response. 

 

“I need...I need to go home and let my parents know he’s back here safely,” Mari said as Viktor settled Yuuri into the bedroom, the man still exhausted despite being released. Her voice was filled with its own exhaustion. “Do you want me to take you two back?”

 

“I’m not leaving Katsudon,” Yuri responded, crossing his arms defiantly.

 

Mari nodded with a small smile. “Ok...yeah. Good. I think Viktor is a little too emotional to keep a full watch on Yuuri. I’ll bring you guys some clothes and I’ll have mom make some food for you, too. Viktor and Yuuri haven’t been here in months, so I doubt there’s anything here. I’ll be back soon.” Mari grabbed her keys and slid out the door.

 

A heavy silence fell over Yuri and Otabek, neither of them looking at each other from their positions in the hallway. 

 

“Yura-”

 

“Beka-”

 

Sighing, Otabek reached for Yuri’s hand and pulled him into the living room where there was a large couch. They sat, Yuri curling himself into a ball next to him. They had avoided the topic of conversation at the hospital. “It was a long time ago...remember how I told you I just always felt so far behind? I had been seeing a counselor, and it helped a lot, but when my coach told me I still couldn’t debut in the senior division when I was sixteen, I just fell into this...dark pit. I thought that maybe that was it. That this was as far as I’d ever go and it was pointless to even bother trying anymore. So...I took a pill. And then another...and then another.”

 

Yuri squeezed his hand tightly.

 

Otabek huffed, an amused smile on the edge of his lips. “I kept waiting. Waiting for something to happen like in the movies and the stories you hear. But all I did was throw up and feel like crap the rest of the day. Eventually my coach found me and realized what had happened. Something changed after that day, though. I felt more determined than ever to succeed instead of end it. Over the next few months I was able to cut back on the counselling and drugs. I became so focussed I didn’t have time to feel depressed. The next year, I made my Senior debut and won Bronze at World’s..”

 

Sadly, Yuri fell against Otabek’s chest and curled in against his side. “You...you’d tell me if you felt like that again...wouldn’t you?”

 

“I’d try,” Otabek admitted. “But it’s not always so black and white, Yura.”

 

“It’s my fault,” Yuri whispered against his skin. “I shouldn’t have told him to bring his skates. I should have never brought it up.”

 

Wrapping his arms around Yuri, Otabek settled into the couch for the long haul. “It’s not your fault, Yura. It’s no one’s fault.”

 

“I just…,” Yuri lifted his head to look at his boyfriend. “It’s always worked in the past, you know? I’d yell at the stupid pig and tell him how much he sucks and it would motivate him. I thought that maybe…”

 

Otabek chuckled at Yuri’s thought process, “That if you yelled at him he might try and skate?”

 

“Well, yeah.” Yuri blushed, realizing how stupid it sounded.

 

Otabek leaned down and placed a peck on his cheek. “You have a good heart, Yuri. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.”

  
  
  


The next morning Mari brought breakfast that Viktor hardly touched.  He told them he hadn’t slept, though it seemed that Yuuri was able to and that was all that mattered.

 

“I still feel like this is because of what I said,” Yuri spoke from the countertop, picking at his own food absently though he had consumed far more than his coach. “I really should watch my fucking mouth…”

 

“I won’t disagree with the latter statement,” Viktor sighed, shooting the younger Russian a small smile. 

 

“Did he seem to be feeling alright?” Otabek asked, trying to steer the conversation away from Yuri’s own self loathing. 

 

Viktor shrugged lazily. “He threw up again during the night, but he seems to be ok. Well...physically. Clearly, he is not ok otherwise.”

 

Otabek hummed thoughtfully. “He’s been seeing someone, right? That’s how he got the drugs?”

 

“He did, for a while,” Viktor nodded solemnly. “But, I don’t think he has gone in almost a year. Or if he did, he didn’t say. Things...things were just going so well. I...I’ll talk to him. Encourage him to start seeing someone again, even if if it’s just occasionally.”

 

“I think that would be wise,” Otabek responded. “I know from experience that the thoughts might quiet, but they never go away.” The Kazakh moved to start to collect dishes when Makkachin woofed happily and began thumping his tail. Their attention turned to the hallway where Yuuri was standing dressed in a mismatched track suit and his skates in one hand.

 

“Yuuri…?” Viktor questioned, his back straightening in worry.

 

Yuuri swallowed, his hand clenching around the laces of his skates. “I...I want to skate.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I thought you weren’t going to do any spins?!” Viktor questioned, although his tone sounded more amused than upset.
> 
> Yuuri stopped his slowing momentum with his toepick and grinned. “I couldn’t help it. I’m so...happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow caught a writing bug this week! Here's another chapter!!!
> 
> Please note, if you have the chance, go back and re-read the ending of the last chapter. I changed how the OD went down after a few things were brought to my attention. If you don't want to read it, you won't lose your place in the story. The very end is still the same.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!!! We are closing in :)

“Does that feel ok? Are they too tight?”

 

“Viktor,” Yuuri whined, batting away his husband’s hands for the third time. “They feel fine.”

 

Viktor sighed loudly, the sound echoing in the rink. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m just worried about your ankle.”

 

“I’m not going to be doing jumps or spins, Vitya. Plus, you’re gonna be out there in case anything happens.” Yuuri held out his hands, an indication for Viktor to help him up and lead him to the ice. Viktor’s gloved hands entwined with his and he was pulled up, an arm carefully wrapping around his waist to guide him. He was stopped when he felt his blade kick something and he knew they must be at the opened barrier.

 

“I’ve got you,” Viktor assured him, brushing past Yuuri to step on the ice first. 

 

Yuuri sucked in a deep breath and took a step up, Viktor’s hands gripping his own tightly, pulling him along the ice once both feet were up. “You can let go.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“ _ Vitya _ , I’m blind, not a beginner!” Yuuri groaned, yanking his hands from his husband and pushing off on his skates. He was slow, and held his hands out until he eventually felt the wall and stopped. The nerves were building again, butterflies swarming around in the pit of his stomach. Yuuri knew that Viktor, Yuri, and Otabek were on the ice and probably hovering already, but it would be super embarrassing if he face-planted into the barrier regardless. Brushing his fingers just against the glass he began to skate, finding himself in a comfortable rhythm after only a lap. When he allowed his hand to drop just after coming out of the curve he realized his nerves were gone. 

 

This was the best he had felt since the accident, and he smiled.

 

“Like you never left,” Viktor offered encouragingly, clearly having not been very far from Yuuri’s side the entire time with how close his voice was. 

 

Yuuri could feel himself blush, a hand reaching back up for the glass, “I’m not doing anything…”

 

“Nonsense, Yuuri. This is a huge step.”

 

Humming in dismissal, Yuuri spun around to glide backwards and perform a few crossovers. His head still ached after his incident, but he tried his best to ignore it in favor of skating. Immediately after turning back around there was a tug on his arm and he could feel Viktor settling in behind him, hands on his hips. Yuuri wondered if that had been his low-key way of telling him he had gotten lost in his thoughts and almost slammed into the barrier. His arms were lifted up and suddenly he was being hoisted in the air with a gasp, Viktor dropping him immediately into a dip as he came back down. Yuuri followed his motions, not realizing that he had automatically fallen into the choreography for Stammi Viccino until Viktor pulled him into his chest and kissed him. 

 

“Ugh, can you two stop being gross for just two seconds?” Yuri scoffed.

 

Viktor chuckled against Yuuri’s lips and broke away from him, his hands remaining on his hips. “Never. We will be gross till the end of our days!”

 

Yuuri felt himself grinning. He must have looked like an idiot. Yuri would likely agree without missing a beat. “How far are we from the wall?”

 

“We’re basically in the center, why?”

 

Without giving an answer, Yuuri untangle himself from Viktor and pushed off, giving a half-swizzle to gain some momentum before turning around and immediately going into camel-spin to sit-spin combination. 

 

“I thought you weren’t going to do any spins?!” Viktor questioned, although his tone sounded more amused than upset.

 

Yuuri stopped his slowing momentum with his toepick and grinned. “I couldn’t help it. I’m so...happy.”

 

“Well, you’re free leg was lousy in that camel spin,” Viktor teased. “Not being able to see is no excuse for sloppy form, my Yuuri. I expect better from a three-time World Champion.”

 

“Can we practice now or are the two of you going to just keep going until you end up blowing each other on the ice?” Yuri growled. 

 

“Yura,” Otabek grimaced somewhere off to Yuuri’s left.

 

He huffed. “What? If we weren’t here they probably would already be doing it.”

 

Yuuri smiled fondly. He’d really missed this. “It’s ok, this is probably enough for today. I’ll get off the ice.”

 

“No, no,” Viktor protested, linking his arm with Yuuri’s, “You can stay with me. If either of them run into you then I’ll make them run up and down the steps to the castle until they both drop dead.” Yuuri could just see the heart-shaped mouth on his husband in his head as he spouted such a serious threat so casually. 

 

“No way, old man! I’d just fire you!” Yuri’s voice sounded distant, like he had taken off to properly warm-up.

 

“Nonsense! Yakov would never take you back if I told him you took out a helpless blind man! And then what would poor Otabek do?”

 

Yuuri grinned at the back-and-forth bickering, letting himself fall against Viktor’s side, his cheek squished up on his shoulder. After Yuuri had been released from the hospital, Otabek had asked Viktor if he could train under him and move to Japan. Minami would be joining them in two weeks, too. It was good for the onsen. The summer was such a dead time, and even though he was sure his parents were giving the skaters are steep discount, it was better than nothing at all. 

 

Viktor yelled at the two skaters for hours, occasionally pulling Yuuri along to glide across the ice to keep them from getting tired of standing still for too long, and occasionally separating just long enough to show one of them a move. Viktor was rare in the fact he joined his students on the ice. It was something most coaches did not do. Just another thing in a long list that Yuuri was keeping that made his husband so special.

 

Yuuri’s stomach growled and Viktor finally called it for the morning, the rink due to open up to the public for a few hours shortly, anyway. When they arrived back at the onsen, Hiroko already had a large lunch cooked and waiting for them.

 

“I knew you boys would be hungry after your training!” She beamed, setting the largest bowl of katsudon in front of her son who didn’t even hesitate to dig in with no regrets. “Yuu-chan, how did it go?!”

 

Yuuri’s response was practically incoherent with so much food in his mouth. 

 

Viktor laughed from beside him. “He was so incredible the judges would have given him gold right then and there. Who knew Yurio and and Otabek would have so much competition from an old, retired skater?”

 

“I’m not old!” Yuuri gasped after swallowing. “I’m not the one with a receding hairline!”

 

“How do you know?” Yuri questioned. “You just have to take our word for it now.”

 

“He’s right!” Viktor responded in a sing-song tone, pressing a hand to Yuuri’s forehead and slicking back his hair. “Oh, yes, I think it’s gone back a few centimeters.”

 

“Stop being so mean!” Yuuri wanted to be offended, but he could only feel his heart swell with happiness. The bickering, the teasing - it all seemed so  _ normal _ again. 

 

“You guys are so loud,” Mari’s gruff voice declared, though Yuuri could hear the fondness in the comment. 

 

They settled into a comfortable silence as they dug deeper into their meals. Occasionally they would bring up the matter of routines. Yuri had finally settled on the music for his free skate. Otabek was the opposite, in that he had the music for his free but not his short. There was time. Yuuri had to stop eating a few bites short of the bottom of the bowl, his stomach feeling like it might explode. He hadn’t eaten like that in a while...He felt sated, but a sharp pain in his head reminded him of the nagging headache that had plagued him all day. 

 

Yuuri didn’t join Viktor on the ice for the afternoon session, instead sitting with Makkachin in the bleachers with Yuuko’s girls chattering excitedly around him to keep him company. They were a good distraction from the increasing throbbing against his skull. They were going on and on about being the first to post about Viktor coaching Otabek, excitedly gossiping about what they’d think his theme would be this year. Age had only made them worse - a truly unstoppable otaku force. Yuuko had long given up.

 

“Girls! Leave Yuuri alone! You’re bothering him!”

 

Yuuri jumped, not having heard Yuuko approach him. “What? Oh, no, they aren’t bothering me!”

 

“Really? Because your face is all scrunched up. Are you hurt?”

 

Oh. He hadn’t even noticed he was doing that. “I’ve had a pretty bad headache today, don’t know why.”

 

Yuuko hummed in concern. “If it lasts much more than a day you should go see a doctor. It could be related to your injury. GIRLS! Stop it! Viktor is trying to coach! It’s hard enough without the three of you lurking at every corner!”

 

“But Mama!! Our picture of Yuuri skating this morning has 20,000 likes!” Axel pouted.

 

A breath caught in Yuuri’s throat. “ _ What _ ?!” Oh god. His phone must have been going crazy back at the onsen. 

 

“Alright, that’s it! Out! Now!” Yuuko ordered, her mom voice coming out in full force. “Sorry, Yuuri!”

 

Yuuri waved her off with a sigh, knowing that it was probably inevitable anyway. Had Viktor seen it and just not said anything? He was rarely without his phone and would have gotten the notifications. Placing a hand to his forehead he winced. His head was getting worse. “Viktor.” There was no response. “Viktor!”

 

Viktor stopped mid-instruction. “Yuuri? What’s wron-ah! You look pale, are you ok?!”

 

“I’m going to go home,” Yuuri said, getting to his feet and disturbing Makkaching below. “I’m not feeling well.”

 

“Ah, give me a second, I’ll get off and go with you!” Yuuri could hear him skating over to the barricade.

 

“No! No, it’s fine. I know the way home. I’ll be ok,” Yuuri assured him. He didn’t want to disrupt the practice just because of a headache.

 

“Onsen home or  _ home _ home?” Viktor asked, his voice careful.

 

Yuuri found himself delaying his response. As much as he loved his parents and being close to Yurio and Otabek, he did miss  _ home _ . Still, it was better to remain at the onsen a while longer. He’d only just now gotten the hang of navigating those halls successfully. “Onsen.”

 

Viktor sighed, clearly not happy about the idea of Yuuri going off alone, but wise enough to give him space. “Ok. Will you let me know when you make it back, at least?”

 

“Sure,” Yuuri agreed absently, not wanting to give Viktor any sort of time to try and talk him out of anything. Yuuko bid him farewell and said she hoped he felt better soon before he was out the door with Makkachin leading the way. 

 

“You’re home early,” Mari commented as he slipped off his shoes and helped Makkachin out of his harness. “Where’s Viktor?”

 

“Still at the rink. I wasn’t feeling well,” Yuuri admitted. “Can you text him? Let him know I made it home ok?”

 

“Sure,” Mari agreed. “What’s wrong, kiddo? You feel sick?”

 

“Bad headache all day. I just want to sleep.” The pain had moved from behind his temple down to his eyes, like it was pulsing right in behind the sockets. 

 

“I’ll make you some tea. I’ve got Camellia herbs. You should drink it before you go to sleep.”

 

Yuuri figured it was best not to argue and took a seat at the kotatsu in the living room. He could hear the TV in the background and he wondered if his dad was present and just wasn’t saying anything. After time passed and there was only the sound of a shuffling newspaper, he concluded that it must have been one of the few guests that were staying there. 

 

“Here you go, kiddo,” Mari spoke, holding out the mug until Yuuri’s hands found their way there. 

 

“Thanks,” he murmured, blowing on the hot water before taking a sip. Maybe it was just the warmth of it, but after a few sips he already felt a little better. “Where’s mom and dad?”

 

“Dad went to the market to get some food. Having four - soon to be five - figure skaters under the roof has exhausted the fridge pretty quick. Mom met up with a friend for tea somewhere. You know how it is when it’s slow.”

 

Yuuri hummed in acknowledgement before knocking back the last bit of tea. “I’m going to my room. Makkachin, let’s go boy.” He scuffled to his and Viktor’s room and climbed under the covers without taking off any of his clothes. A large sigh of relief escaped his lips as he closed his eyes and the pain dulled, Makkachin hopping up on the bed and snuggling close to Yuuri in Viktor’s stead. Just a few hours and he’d be back to normal…

  
  


“..uuri.”

 

“...up, Yuuri.”

 

Yuuri woke to excruciating pain, his hands immediately going for his eyes and his body curling in on itself. It hurt. It hurt  _ so _ bad. 

 

“Yuuri! What’s wrong? Are you ok?” Viktor. His hands were on Yuuri’s shoulders, small circles rubbed into his skin.

 

“I feel like my head is going to explode,” Yuuri whimpered, fingers grasping at the strands of his bangs.

 

Yuuri could feel the dip in the bed lift as Viktor moved. “Should we go to the hospital? Should I call an ambulance?”

 

“No! No, it’s not...it can wait until tomorrow.” Yuuri could only imagine the hospital bills he had already racked up in the past few months. This...he could endure it through the night until morning. Assuming it wasn’t morning. Was it? “Maybe...get Mari to make me some more tea.”

 

A wet kiss landed on his forehead. “I’ll be right back. Just stay down and try and get comfortable.”

 

Makkachin whined, his wet nose brushing up against Yuuri’s cheek. Yuuri groaned as his arms wrapped around the poodle and pulled him close, Makkachin tucking his head under his master’s chin. Focusing on his breathing he tried to calm himself, thinking of anything other than the pain. It worked long enough for Viktor to return, helping Yuuri to sit up in the bed and bringing the mug to his lips.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the emergency room?” Viktor asked, voice full of concern. 

 

Truthfully, he did. He just wanted the pain to go away, but this wasn’t an emergency. He wasn’t dying. This could wait, no matter how bad it hurt. “No...what time is it?”

 

“Almost seven. I let you sleep through dinner, but Mama kept leftovers, of course.” Viktor brushed back some hair. The touch against Yuuri’s temple felt amazing. “Do you want me to get you some food?”

 

Yuuri felt embarrassed to ask, biting at his bottom lip. You would think after being married for almost three years and the experimentation in bed he could ask for a stupid head massage. “Can you...when you just touched me…”

 

Viktor’s hands were immediately on his head, massaging the scalp and temple. “Does this help?”

 

Yuuri moaned, sinking against the pillows. “Yes...more around my eyes.” Viktor’s fingers moved to his cheek bones and circled. All the pressure seemed to just release from beneath his skin. “God, Viktor...thank you.”

 

“Would a hot rag help, too? It might relax any strained muscles,” Viktor suggested, his fingers moving methodically. 

 

“It couldn’t hurt,” Yuuri groaned, taking another sip of the tea. Viktor pulled away and he let out a whimper at the loss of contact, but his absence was short, a hot rag draping itself over his face. Breathing in the steam Yuuri felt himself relax even further. Viktor always knew what to do. “ _ Arigatou _ ...it’s already so much better.”

 

Viktor’s hand caressed his own next to Makkachin. “I worried about you all afternoon.”

 

Yuuri felt a little guilty, but it had been for the best. It would have done no one any good if something would have happened at the rink. “Viktor...tell me about the comments on Insta. I know the girls posted something this morning.”

 

There was a soft chuckle. “They sure did. It’s a good photo. I wish you could see. I saved it as my background.”

 

“Describe it to me, then,” Yuuri yanked at Viktor’s arm to pull him close enough that he could use him as a pillow. 

 

“There’s not too much to describe. It’s the dip. There’s a huge smile plastered on both our faces,” Viktor said. “The comments are all positive, many simply saying they are glad that your disability is not keeping you from skating. Phichit has been blowing up both our phones all day.”

 

Yuuri smiled fondly at the thought. “Could you...could you call him? I don’t know if he’ll answer but…”

 

“But of course,  _ lyubov moya _ .” 

 

Yuuri could hear the speaker phone ring a few times before pausing.  _ “Hey Viktor!” _

 

“Hi!” Viktor’s voice beamed happily. “I hope I’m not bothering you. I’m here with Yuuri. Yuuri, wave!” Yuuri lifted a weak hand. It was a pathetic wave, really.

 

_ “Yuuri! You look horrible! Are you ok?!” _

 

With an uncertain smile he responded, “My head hurts, but I’m working through it.”

 

_ “You probably overdid it skating this morning! I can’t believe you! Why didn’t you tell me  _ before _ the triplets posted? I’m your best friend! I’m supposed to know before they do! You two looked great, by the way!” _

 

“Maybe I did just overdo it,” Yuuri admitted. It hadn’t seem like he had done much, but he was sure if his doctors ever found out they’d throw a fit. “Viktor is taking good care of me.”

 

_ “Ohhh I’m sure he is,” _ Phichit sung, surely throwing a few winks out there Yuuri conveniently couldn’t see. 

 

“Well, we weren’t, but now that you mention it-,”

 

“VIKTOR!” Yuuri gasped, his face surely turning the color of a tomato. 

 

Phichit laughed.  _ “Maybe it’ll make you forget about your head!” _

 

Yuuri groaned, the rag falling from his temple. “This call is done.”

 

_ “Oh, come on! It’s not like people don’t fantasize about what you and Viktor get up to on a daily basis. I should send you some links to some fanfic-,” _

 

“BYE PHICHIT!” Yuuri screamed, begging Viktor to end the call. 

 

Viktor practically giggled. “Tell Ciao Ciao hi!!”

 

_ “I will! Feel better, Yuuri!” _

 

“Well? Did that distract you?”

 

It did, although Yuuri didn’t want to admit it. Shoving his now empty mug into Viktor’s chest he sunk deep into the mattress and rolled away, his back answer enough. “I’m going back to bed…”

 

“Are you sure? On an empty stomach?”

 

Yuuri wasn’t hungry, still full from the extra large serving of katsudon earlier that day. “I’m sure. You don’t have to stay with me. I’ll be ok.”

 

Viktor leaned down and kissed just below his ear. “I’ll just take a shower and then I’ll join you, ok? I’m actually pretty tired from our first full day back. Coaching is exhausting!”

 

Yuuri responded with a snort, shoving an elbow playfully back. “When you’re not coaching me, you mean.”

 

“Yurio is much more difficult of a student,” Viktor agreed. “I’m certainly never bored. I won’t be long, ok?”

 

“Take your time, Vitya,” Yuuri sighed into the pillow, Makkachin hopping over his legs to position himself so he was curled up against Yuuri’s chest again. “I’ll be ok. I just need to sleep.” Yuuri heard the shower turn on, but nothing else as he found himself slipping into a deep sleep.

  
  


When Yuuri finally came to again, the first thing he noticed was the lack of pain. Everything felt back to normal again. Letting out a sigh of relief Yuuri yawned, stretching his arms above his head, accidently smacking Viktor in the process, eyes widening in shock. He shouted, instantly closed them as he was flooded with a bright light. God, why was it so bright this early? Why-

 

It was bright.

 

It was  _ bright _ . 

 

Yuuri shot straight up of bed, his eyes opening again. It was  _ extremely _ blurry, the colors nothing more than large shapeless blobs, but there on his right was a  _ silver _ shapeless blob. “Viktor!”

 

Viktor groaned, having obviously been woken by the smack to the head. “Yuuri, just because your head hurts doesn’t mean I have to share in your-,”

 

“Viktor, I can  _ see _ !”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They deserved this, Viktor thought. After all the anguish and pain they had suffered over the last few months, they were owed some sort of happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I can't believe this is the second to last chapter! We are almost done!!! Nothing but happy tears now, my friends :)

Viktor watched as Dr. Martin finished her examinations, lowering the small flashlight she had been using to look in Yuuri’s eyes. She was from Canada originally and spoke several languages, including Japanese, and had come highly recommended as a specialist dealing with visual trauma. “Well,” she started, her accent reminiscent of JJ’s, “I know it doesn’t seem like much, but this is definitely good news.”

 

“Do you think it’ll get any better?” Yuuri asked, rubbing under his eye. His head must have been bothering him again. 

 

Smiling, she crossed her arms, “Well, if it’s going to improve, it’ll be pretty immediate. I would think whatever you end up with after a week or so is probably what you’re going to have to live with.”

 

The disappointment was written all over his husband’s face, though he nodded in understanding. “I suppose it’s better than nothing, right? At least I can sort of see where I’m going, now...well, maybe that’s overstating things.”

 

“You’ll adjust to it just like you did to not being able to see at all,” Dr. Martin promised. “The biggest things you’ll need to keep in mind are your depth perception and the fact you only have half of your field of vision. I know it might be a bit difficult to think about initially, but try and orient yourself and your things so that there are no surprises on your left.”

 

Viktor hummed, making a mental note to himself to take a look at their room again. “You usually sleep on the left...maybe we should change that.”

 

Yuuri shot him a knowing glare, “Why? So that you can surprise me even more in the morning with your sneak attacks?”

 

Throwing a hand to his mouth, Viktor gasped playfully. “Yuuri, are you saying you don’t like when I start morning kissing wars?!”

 

“I’m saying that it would give you an unfair advantage,” Yuuri clarified, a small smile on his lips.

 

Dr. Martin giggled, “Well, I’ll just let you two decide what’s best for you both on that aspect. Now, Yuuri, you said you were having problems with headaches before all this happened?”

 

Yuuri nodded, “It still bothers me even now.”

 

“I’m afraid you’ll likely have chronic headaches moving forward. It’s fairly common among those that lose their sight. Even though you may not be able to process the light passing the cornea in your brain, it’s still happening. You’ve likely become very sensitive to it after the accident. I would recommend wearing some sunglasses if you haven’t been already. It will likely lessen your pain, if not subdue it altogether. 

 

Viktor made another mental note to buy Yuuri some glasses. There had been the perfect pair in the magazine he had been reading the other day. They were a good shape for Yuuri’s face.

 

“Vitya, I can hear you thinking all the way over here. I don’t need designer glasses.”

 

“Nonsense. No husband of mine would be caught wearing anything other than Gucci, I assure you.” Besides, Viktor hadn’t had an excuse to splurge on Yuuri in a while. He had an itch that needed to be scratched.

 

Yuuri only sighed, obviously thinking it wasn’t worth putting up a fight over. Viktor loved that they had reached that point in their relationship. It had taken a long time for Yuuri to not complain every time Viktor spent hundreds and thousands of yen or rubles on him over frivolous things. “Am I...Am I still going to be able to go places with Makkachin? Getting my sight back in the one eye won’t change that, will it?”

 

“Ah, yes, you are still quite blind according to legal standards,” Dr. Martin nodded, an amused smirk on her lips. “Take it easy the next few weeks while your body adjusts to these changes, ok? I want to see you back in two weeks. If anything changes drastically come sooner.”

 

Yuuri nodded his thanks and Viktor was immediately on his feet to help Yuuri get settled with Makkachin. “Do you want to grab something to eat on the way back?”

 

“Mm, I’m craving some ramen,” Yuuri mentioned, climbing into the seat opposite Viktor and buckling in.

 

Viktor grinned as he started the car, “ _ Vkusno _ !! It’s like you knew exactly what I was thinking, Yuuri!”

 

Yuuri scoffed, holding out a hand indicating he wanted it to be held. Viktor happily obliged. “You say that like we haven’t been married for three years.”

 

“What?! Has it really been so long? I totally forgot,” Viktor teased, pulling out into the road to head towards his favorite ramen stand. 

 

“You’re a mess,” Yuuri huffed, a dorky smile plastered on his face through it all. 

 

They deserved this, Viktor thought. After all the anguish and pain they had suffered over the last few months, they were owed some sort of happiness. Yuuri had agreed - without much convincing, he’ll add - to start seeing his therapist again at least every few months just so he didn’t fall back into his dark space. Viktor was proud of how far he’d come. How far  _ they’d _ come.

 

The shop owner greeted them both with a smile, Viktor a clear regular, and he didn’t even ask for their orders before he placed two bowls in front of them. Grabbing the chopsticks, Viktor slurped up a large wad of noodles with a bright smile. “ _ Vkusno _ !” His bright blue eyes darted to Yuuri, who hadn’t touched his food. “Yuuri? Is something wrong?”

 

Yuuri flashed him a smile and shook his head, but he must have sensed the disbelief in his husband sitting next to him. “I...well...I can see but I  _ can’t _ see and…,” Sighing, he reached out a hand, his fingers stopping just shy of the blow. “To me, I’m already touching the red blob but...obviously I missed. It’s even worse than when I didn’t wear my glasses before.”

 

Oh. “Well, Dr. Martin did say you’d have some issues with depth perception. But you’ll adjust, just like you did before. Don’t worry so much, Yuuri. You should be happy.”  _ Please be happy… _

 

Yuuri sighed again, finding his way to his chopsticks and lifting the bowl close to his face to take a bite. “Can we move back home?”

 

That caught him off guard, Viktor had to admit. “Permanently?”

 

Chuckling, Yuuri took another small bite, slurping up a single noodle purposefully. “Of course, permanently. It is our house, after all.” Setting down his bowl he picked up a noodle and dangled it at his feet, Makkachin happily taking it into his mouth. Viktor frowned. No wonder Makkachin looked like he was gaining weight. “As much as I love my family and being around Yurio and Otabek it’s...getting a little crowded. And with Minami coming…”

 

Viktor chuckled, the blush evident on his husband’s cheek. “I can’t disagree that it is annoying having to think about who might hear before I ravish you every night. It’s been so long since we’ve properly slept at home, though, we might just have to break the bed back in.”

 

“Vitya!” Yuuri’s blush deepened, hands bringing the bowl back to his face in an attempt to hide it. “You can’t just say things like that in public!”

 

Hachiro, the shop owner laughed and spoke in Japanese directly to Yuuri, though Viktor understood it well enough, “You should hear the things he says when you aren’t here, Nikiforov-sama! I hear you are a wild one in the sheets!”

 

Viktor let out a full bellied laugh as Yuuri turned his attention to stuffing his face in embarrassment. “We can start packing our things when we get home. There isn’t much. Since it’s their day off I’ll make Yurio and Otabek help. Are you sure Mama and Papa won’t be too upset? Mama sure has enjoyed cooking big meals for everyone.”

 

Yuuri subconsciously moved a hand over his stomach, wincing. “So I’ve noticed….but she’s really only losing one mouth, if that. Yurio eats more than most of us combined and doesn’t gain a kilo!”

 

Leaning over he gave his husband a wet peck on the cheek. “You say that like you wish you could do the same. I love the little weight you’ve put back on!”

 

Yuuri groaned, pushing the bowl away from himself. 

 

Viktor smiled, taking the bowl to finish off himself. He couldn’t exactly let it go to waste, could he? It was true, though. Viktor  _ loved _ the pudge that was starting to form around Yuuri’s midsection after so much time away from the rink and exercise and he had the perfect way to show Yuuri that when they got settled in. 

 

After leaving a hefty tip as always, the three settled back in the car and headed back to the onsen. Yuri and Otabek were gathered around a kotatsu with a laptop and a few notebooks splayed out in front of them. The one in front of Otabek had notes for what looked like a routine, but on Yuri’s was a clear outfit design.

 

“Already, Yurio?” Viktor asked curiously, picking up the sketchbook without permission, angering the younger Russian. “Isn’t it a bit early to be thinking up costume ideas before we even finalize the entire program?”

 

Growling, Yuri grabbed the sketchbook back and held it close to his chest defensively, “It was just an  _ idea _ , old man!”

 

“Ah! What’s it look like?” Yuuri asked curiously, purposely trying to poke the tiger now that Viktor had started it.

 

“Moody,” Otabek smiled, the end of a pen between his teeth as he watched a skating video on his laptop.

 

“ _ Beka _ ,” Yuri hissed, clearly feeling betrayed by his boyfriend, but a kiss to his cheek had his anger melting away.

 

Viktor chuckled, ruffling Yuri’s hair that only continued to grow. “I’m proud of you both for getting such a head start and all without my help! You’ve come a long with Yuratchka. But! Yuuri and I need you two to take a break to help us pack!”

 

“Pack? Where the hell are you going?” Yuri asked, green eyes narrowing with judgment.

 

“Home!” Viktor stretched his arms in the air excitedly. “As much as we love to stay here, we need our alone time!” He winked and Yuri dry heaved in response. 

 

“Oh, my precious boys, I’m so happy for you both,” Hiroko smiled, making her way in from the kitchen where she had began the long preparations for dinner for the guests. “I’ll miss you but at least I know you’ll have plenty of reasons to visit often!”

 

Pulling Hiroko into his arms, Viktor squeezed her tightly. “Of course, Mama! I can only go so long without your cooking and a good soak!”

 

Hiroko gave him a loving pat on the cheek before taking her son into her arms. “Yuu-chan, I’m so glad things are getting better for you. Your father and I have been so worried. You know if there’s anything you need we are always here for you.”

 

“You always have been,” Yuuri smiled, breathing her in before letting her go.

 

“Can’t you two pack yourselves? We’re busy,” Yuri huffed.

 

“Think of it as your training for the day,” Viktor grinned. “Lifting a few boxes will keep those muscles in check!”

 

“Why am I lifting boxes?! Do it yourself you geezer! Oh, wait, you’d probably break your back!”

 

Viktor’s grin grew wider as he turned towards Otabek, “How do you put up with this?”

 

Otabek smiled softly in response, “Same as you do.”

 

Chuckling, Viktor scooped them each into an arm and pulled them up. “Ok! Let’s get to work! Yuuri, you just take a seat and don’t worry about a thing, ok?! We’ll take care of it all!”

 

“WHAT?!” Yuri scowled, yanking out of Viktor’s arm. He opened wide to continue his rant but was quickly muffled by Otabek’s hand gently draping itself across the lower half of his face and leading him along down the hallway with an amused look. 

 

With Yuri and Otabek helping - even through the constant bickering - it only took a few hours to get everything packed and moved to the house. It had mainly been just clothes, anyway. Hiroko had sent them along with some dinner and they ate it in a comfortable silence on the couch before moving to the bedroom, Yuuri’s back to Viktor’s chest as the Russian scrolled through the phone and gave Yuuri updates from Instagram and Twitter. Makkachin, as always, was curled happily at their feet, chin resting on Yuuri’s ankles. 

 

After making it to the end of the feed he wrapped an arm around Yuuri and pulled him in tight, stretching out his phone for a selfie. “Smile, Yuuri!” His husband let out a small groan of protest, but he smiled anyway and Viktor snapped the photo. “So cute!” Saving the original to his phone he started to send it to Instagram before pausing and pressing on the edit button to bring up the blur and sharpness setting. He swiped the bar all the way towards the blur text. Was this what Yuuri would see if he looked at the photo? Nothing but shapeless blobs of color? It made Viktor’s heart ache thinking about it. 

 

“Yuuri…? Is...is it ok to let everyone know about your sight?” Viktor tread carefully, wanting to let the world see what his husband saw, but also not wanting to step on lines he shouldn’t.

 

Yuuri’s shoulders shrugged against his chest. “I guess it doesn’t really matter. Phichit probably would like to know at least. I’m OK with it.”

 

Viktor hummed in acknowledgment and sent the blurred photo to Instagram. He didn’t choose a filter. There was no filter that could make Yuuri’s vision clearer or brighter. 

 

 _v-nikiforov:_ _Today, something miraculous happened. @yuuri_nikiforov woke up and was able to see out of his right eye again. Unfortunately, the doctor warned that he will likely never see much better than what this image looks likes. But that’s ok, right?! Just this small bit has brought a normalcy back into our lives, and we will be forever grateful. I can rest easy that Yuuri will never see me get my first wrinkles, at least! I’ll always looks so smooth! Thank you all for your continued support. I know Yuuri will be so happy to SEE you all at the start of the season! #GoTeamNikiforov_

 

Posting the image Viktor brought up the original version and pulled it into Instagram, this time choosing a filter for it.

 

_ v-nikiforov _ :  _ Never take for granted all that you can see clearly in this life. I am blessed to see @yuuri_nikiforov each and every day and will never waste a single moment taking my eyes off of him.  _

 

With a pleased sigh, Viktor leaned back against the pillows and let his phone drop against the sheets before wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s waist. “I was thinking that maybe we should sell the house in St. Petersburg.”

 

Yuuri visibly tensed against him. “Vitya, no, we don’t have to.”

 

“Yuuri,” Viktor smiled in frustration as he squished a cheek against raven locks. “How many times do we have to go through this? It’s ok. I’m happy making Ice Castle my home rink. I’m happy staying here in Hasetsu. That doesn’t mean we don’t have to never go back to Russia, but there’s no need paying for a home we won’t really use, is there? If we ever decide to go back for an extended time we can rent something.”

 

Yuuri was silent for too long. When he did finally speak, it was a question and not an answer. “Vitya…?”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Are you ok?”

 

Viktor stilled at the unexpected question, eyes wide in shock. “What? Of course I’m ok. Why would you ask that?”

 

Yuuri rolled over to his right, curling into Viktor and burying his face in his chest. “Because all this time everyone has been so busy asking about me that no one has stopped to ask about you. I...I know that all of this has been just as hard on you and you’re so bad about ignoring yourself for me.”

 

A wetness filled Viktor’s eyes, his face relaxing into a smile as he pulled his husband closer to him. “Oh  _ solnishko _ , nothing I’ve gone through has been even close to what you’ve experienced. What has hurt me was seeing  _ you _ in so much pain. I felt so helpless and lost, not knowing how to make you feel better. And how dare you chastise me on being selfish!” He gave a playful squeeze to a love handle, making Yuuri squeal against him. “You are the most selfish person I know!”

 

“So I am,” Yuuri chuckled, shifting in Viktor’s arms to straddle him. Tentatively, he lifted his hands and gently placed his fingertips to his husband’s cheeks.

 

Sucking in a breath Viktor let his eyes flutter closed as the pads of Yuuri’s fingers traced over every curve and dip of his face, committing the lines to memory. This was far more intimate than any sex they could ever have. When a thumb dipped into the part in his lips he flicked out his tongue and pulled it in, sucking on the digit.

 

Yuuri gasped, but didn’t pull away, instead letting his legs fall wider so that their groins pressed against each other. “I believe you said something about breaking the bed back in.”

 

Grinning, Viktor let Yuuri’s thumb fall from his mouth leaving a small trail of saliva down his chin. “So I did.” They met halfway, lips crashing into each other, Viktor having to catch Yuuri’s chin to keep him from overshooting. It didn’t take long to adjust and Viktor flipped them so he was on top, Yuuri falling back with a happy sigh, completely content with letting his husband take control. Makkachin hopped off the bed with annoyed whine making Viktor chuckle. Sliding down Yuuri’s body he lifted up his shirt and blew the largest raspberry into his stomach.

 

Yuuri screamed in delight, his legs curling up around Viktor and his hands flying to pull down his shirt. “V-Vitya!! St-stop! That tickles! Oh my god!” He sucked in a breath full of laughter, “That’s the most un-sexy thing you’ve ever done!”

 

“Lies!” Victor gasped, appalled, “Your stomach is the most sexy thing I have ever seen. I could not help myself.” He untangled Yuuri’s legs from around him and wrapped his fingers around the waistband of his track pants. Yuuri obediently lifted his hips and Viktor slowly pulled them and his boxers clear of his skin. With a lustful sigh he trailed his hands up the thickness of Yuuri’s thighs, spreading them wide and giving the meaty flesh a squeeze. His cock was already half-hard against his stomach and his hole clenched in anticipation. “I’m going to take you apart nice and slow, Yuuri, worshipping every inch of your skin.”

 

Yuuri shivered and then a hot mouth was engulfing his length and everything was drowning in their shouts and moans.

  
  
  


Completely sated and exhausted, they laid in each other arms, Viktor having gotten out of bed only to get a wet cloth to clean off the come from their skin. Yuuri was draped over Viktor, his hips positioned just so that their spent cocks were touching, a subtle tease no doubt. Viktor was rubbing soothing circles into his the skin of his hip, going through all the notifications he had gotten on his earlier posts. It was nothing but support and congratulations, and it made him smile. 

 

“Did Phichit reply?” Yuuri asked, voice thick with exhaustion but happiness.

 

“If you call two full lines of incoherent letters in all caps, then yes,” Viktor smiled. An email notification popped up. It was from the Russian Figure Skating Federation. “Oh! Yuuri, I forgot to tell you I had a call from some representatives in Moscow a few days ago.” With all the commotion of late, he hadn’t gotten a chance to tell Yuuri until now. 

 

“Oh? What was it about?”

 

“They want me to skate at the Rostelecom exhibition. They are celebrating an anniversary and thought it would be a nice touch,” Viktor explained.

 

Yuuri seemed to perk up a bit at that. “Oh, Vitya, that’s wonderful! Do you have something in mind yet?”

 

Viktor smiled and started to type something into the search bar. “Actually, I do. Here, listen to this. It’s a bit different than what I’d normally skate to, but...something about it called to me.” He pressed play and soft melody began to play lead by a flute and guitar followed by a man’s voice.

 

_ In the ruins of madness _

_ A ghost of a chance _

_ There is new hope reborn in every tragedy _

_ And the world I see bares _

_ A mystery waiting to be revealed _

 

_ And don’t you know that _

_ Every cloud has a silver lining _

 

The man’s voice drifted off and a woman began to sing.

 

_ You may call me a dreamer _

_ Call me a fool _

_ Just a blue eyed believer in you _

 

Yuuri lifted his head and looked at Viktor in surprise. “It’s a duet.”

 

Viktor beamed, stopping the music. “Yes, Yuuri...it’s a duet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is "Under Grey Skies" by Kamelot and I highly recommend listening to it! Kamelot is one of my favorite bands, and Tommy Karevik's voice is DREAMMYYYY!!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri had never felt as close to Viktor as he did when they did this routine. Maybe it was because he was so vulnerable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it! The final chapter! I can't believe it's over. Thank you to each and every one of you! Thank you for reading and leaving kudos and comments! This has been a great journey!
> 
> I already have a good grasp on my next project(s)! I might ask for ya'lls opinion on which one I might take on next, so look out for that if you follow me on Tumblr @catcherinthebrightlight
> 
> Until then, I hope to see you all in the torturous world of Omerta ;)

“You know, Yuuri, there are advantages to your disability!”

 

Yuuri flashed his husband a curious smile as they finally stepped into their hotel room after an incredibly long day of travelling. “Oh? And what’s that?”

 

“We get to bring Makkachin everywhere!” Viktor laughed, the poodle giving a small yip in agreeance as they kicked off their shoes and started to settle in, unwrapping themselves from the multiple layers of clothing. 

 

Yuuri chuckled, brushing out the snowflakes from his hair and laying his scarf and jacket haphazardly across the chair. At first, Yuuri had felt bad every time Viktor would have to pick up his things when he missed or put shirts in the wrong part of the closet, but he later learned that the constant catering was somewhat of a kink to his husband. “I guess that’s true. No more steam bun incidents ever again, I hope!”

 

“Ah, Phichit is already messaging me asking if we want to go out,” Viktor mentioned, quickly moving to scoop up Yuuri’s discarded items to hang along with his own. 

 

Yuuri groaned and let himself flop back onto the bed. It wasn’t that Yuuri didn’t want to see Phichit, he really did, but it had been such a long day and they were already treading on thin ice avoiding the media. Georgi had mentioned they were all over the place waiting for Viktor and Yuuri earlier that day. They must have given up after their last leg had gotten delayed due to the storm and they got in so late. “I don’t feel like going out.”

 

Viktor hummed in agreement. “I saw where the hotel restaurant was open late. Maybe we could settle on that for tonight?”

 

“Ok,” Yuuri agreed, knowing it was the best compromise, even though he really would rather just go to sleep. “Should we let everyone else know?”

 

“Yurio and Otabek already told me they were going out, but I’ll text Minami to meet us downstairs if he wants,” Viktor responded. “We should probably leave Makkachin here.”

 

Makkachin whined as if he understood the conversation and knew he was being left behind. It tugged at Yuuri’s heart a bit, but his husband was right. There was no need since they were just going downstairs and it would probably upset some of the other guests even if the hotel technically couldn’t do anything about it. “Let’s go before I fall asleep.” Rising up from the bed he took his husband’s arm and allowed himself to be led out of their room and back towards the elevator. It was harder for him to navigate these types of hotels. Everything was such a similar shade that he couldn’t tell anything apart. 

 

“Wait for me!”

 

Yuuri could easily make out the red and yellow hair that popped into the elevator just before the doors closed. He laughed. “Don’t hurt yourself right before the competition, Minami-kun!” Both Yuri and Minami had drawn Rostelecom, but Otabek had of course come along to cheer everyone on. He had already qualified winning silver behind Yuri at Skate Canada and gold at  [ Trophée de France ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troph%C3%A9e_de_France) . 

 

“Sorry, sorry!” He apologized, settling in as the elevator moved down. “I might just be a little too excited!”

 

“You’ve been working very hard. I’m sure you’ll dazzle everyone with your improved performance,” Viktor spoke encouragingly. Minami had drawn placed second in China. He had just missed the podium last year at the GPF under his previous coach. 

 

The elevator dinged and the three stepped out, weaving through the halls and towards the open lobby where the hotel restaurant was located. Even for being so late at night, Yuuri could hear that it was still fairly busy, most of the chatter in excited Russian for the upcoming event. He could make out one conversation - Viktor had said he’d developed super hearing since the accident - discussing the rumors that Viktor would be performing at the exhibition and he smiled. 

 

“YUURI!” Phichit came crashing into him - thankfully from the right - smothering him with a big hug. “Oh my god I can’t believe it! You’re really here! You look so good! Ciao Ciao, Yuuri is here!”

 

Celestino let out a warm laugh, his blurred form appearing behind Phichit. “He’s done nothing but talk about this all day when I’ve been trying to get him to focus on his skating! Yuuri, you look really good. I’m so glad to see you out and about. Viktor, it’s always good to see you, too.”

 

“We’ll have to go out and hang out properly when we aren’t so jetlagged,” Viktor agreed, a promise of a vodka filled night ahead of them. Thankfully, Viktor had grown more tame through the years and there were less stripping incidents in public. Especially since the accident. If Yuuri was with him, he really watched how much he drank.

 

Viktor did drink tonight, though, and Yuuri indulged himself in one to help him sleep. It always seemed to help on the first night he travelled anywhere with Viktor. Minami and Phichit chatted eagerly about their routines and Phichit asked how Yuuri had been doing and what he was doing now. It had still taken months for Yuuri to really adjust to his limited vision. It never really did get better from that first day. His dreams of being able to teach skating lessons had been shattered, his limited vision too much of a safety risk for the children. But, he had really started taking up baking as a hobby needing something to keep him busy while Viktor was coaching and a small pastry shop in Hasetsu had hired him on part-time. Yuuri’s tastebuds were something else that had been enhanced and his treats had become popular quick. Especially among Viktor.

 

Viktor and Celestino had abandoned them for the bar, having found someone to chat up excitedly. With the coaches out of the way, Phichit finally asked the question, “Is Viktor really skating during the exhibition?!”

 

Yuuri laughed, wondering how long Phichit had been waiting to get that out. He must have been ready to explode. “Yup.”

 

“Viktor has kept it super secret!” Minami pouted. “None of us have seen it!”

 

“Yu-uuri, come on!” Phichit took a hold of Yuuri’s hand, squeezing out of desperation. “You’ve had to have seen it! Well, I mean, you know? You can at least tell us what the music is like!”

 

_ “It’s a duet.” _

 

_ Viktor chuckled, “Yes, Yuuri, it’s a duet. I want you to skate it with me.” _

 

_ Yuuri sprung up from the bed next to his husband, mouth wide open in disbelief. “What?! No, Viktor! I can’t!” _

 

_ “Why not?” Yuuri could hear the pout that was likely on his face. “There’s nothing that says the exhibition skate has to be a difficult routine. We can adjust it to whatever level you are comfortable with. We don’t even have to do any jumps if you don’t want. All I care about is that we do it together.” _

 

_ All Yuuri could do was think about the million ways this could possibly go wrong. “I...but in front of all those people? What if I mess up? What if I run into the wall or trip you because I don’t see you or something?” _

 

_ Viktor laughed, “Yuuri, I would never let you run into the wall. And if you trip me, then I’m taking you down with me and we’ll just start making out on the ice like that was the intention all along.” _

 

_ Groaning, Yuuri let himself fall back against Viktor. He couldn’t say no. Of course he couldn’t. But it didn’t change how he felt. “I still don’t think it’s a good idea.” _

 

_ “Yuuri. You trust me, don’t you?” It seemed barely more than a whisper. A question so innocent and pure. _

 

_ Yuuri tucked his head under Viktor’s chin. “Of course I do, Vitya.” _

 

_ “Then trust that I won’t let you fall.” _

 

Humming, Yuuri thought about giving a little teaser, but was unable to think of anything off the top of his head that wouldn’t give it all away. “You’ll just have to wait!”

 

There was a collective groan from the two skaters, but neither pried Yuuri for any more information, clear that he wasn’t going to give it. Minami was the first to sigh and call it a night wanting to be ready for his only day of practice before the short. Yuuri could feel his own weariness coming back to him. He needed to get Makkachin out, but he didn’t want to walk the dark streets of Moscow by himself… Turning his head so that his ‘good’ eye could catch the bar he spotted an animated black blob. That had to be Viktor. He seemed to be having such a good time.

 

“Hey, Phichit. I don’t mean to inconvenience you, but could you help me get Makkachin out before we call it a night?” Yuuri asked, though hesitantly. “Viktor so rarely lets loose anymore because he worries about me. I don’t want to bother him with this.”

 

“Oh my gosh, yeah, of course! Come on, we’ll let our crazy drunk coaches settle the tab.”

 

Phichit helped Yuuri back to his shared room with Viktor and scurried off to his own room to grab his coat while Yuuri got Makkachin ready. Bundled up in hats and scarves and their masks firmly in place, the three walked together down the silent street. Everything was very well lit, but it was unfamiliar to Yuuri and mostly covered in a blanket of white. It would have been easy to get lost. 

 

“You look so good, Yuuri,” Phichit said, his voice soft in true happiness. “I- _ we _ -were all so worried. I...I had never been so scared before in my life, seeing you unconscious on the ice like that. And then you went into a coma and I thought that I may never speak to you again. It was awful.” Phichit paused for a moment, and Yuuri thought he may be waiting for some sort of response, but he continued without one. “Did you know Viktor called me almost every day when you were out of it?”

 

Yuuri came to a screeching halt, surprising Makkachin, and turned his head towards Phichit with wide eyes. “What? He never mentioned that.”

 

Phichit let out an uneasy laugh. “Yeah, well, it was mainly just the two of us crying for a good thirty minutes each day. Everyone was such a mess. I think it really scared JJ more than anyone. I think he’s going to retire after this year.”

 

That’s right. JJ had placed fourth at the Cup of China much to everyone’s shock. He’d likely have to win gold at NHK to even have a chance at qualifying. “I’m a little surprised. JJ and I were never close.”

 

“Well, no offense, but it wasn’t you specifically. I think just seeing the accident and the possibility of something like that happening to him scared him really bad. He wasn’t confident at all during his programs in China. You know Isabella is pregnant? She’s due right around the time of World’s, so the timing would be really good if he was going to do it, you know? He could use the kid as an excuse.” Phichit let out a loud groan as he stretched. “You seem to have handled all this really well, though. I’m a little surprised. The smallest things used to set you off back in Detroit.”

 

Yuuri smiled sadly. “I didn’t handle it well at all. I just never said anything to you. I didn’t want anyone to worry. It was hard enough on Viktor.”

 

“Oh,” Phichit’s voice fell. “Do...do you want to talk about it?”

 

With a shake of his head Yuuri responded, “No. It’s behind us, now. It’s still hard somedays. Last week I accidently broke Viktor’s favorite mug. I thought I was putting it on the counter, but I misjudged and just...placed it on nothing but air. I started crying. I was worried he was going to be so mad at me.” Yuuri breathed out a puff of amusement. “Instead, he started cleaning it up immediately and began going off on how he was going to call and complain to the company about the quality of their products. He said the handle had just broken right off and that I didn’t drop it. I knew he was lying.”

 

Phichit let out a interesting noise, a mix of a squeal and a whimper. “God, Yuuri, that’s so disgustingly adorable I could die! Viktor loves you so much!”

 

“I know,” Yuuri smiled. There was a gust of wind and a shiver ran down his spine. “Ah, we should probably head back soon.”

 

“Yeah - Hey! Let’s take a selfie real quick! There’s a good backdrop here!” Phichit pulled Yuuri in close, using his selfie stick so that he could fit Makkachin in the photo, too. “Smile!”

 

Yuuri pulled down his mask and gave the largest smile he remembered ever giving.

 

/*/

 

Yuuri was going to have a panic attack. They hadn’t even made it through the doors of the rink before a hoard of media was on them. Viktor pulled him in close, making sure he was on his left side so that no one could come up on him unnoticed. So many people crowding them was upsetting Makkachin even more, and the poodle started becoming confused, not knowing which way to direct Yuuri. 

 

“Please, give us some space!” Viktor shouted. “I’ll be happy to answer any of your questions  _ after _ I get my husband safely inside.”

 

“Viktor! Is it true you are skating at the exhibition?!”

 

“Viktor, what can we expect from Kenjirou and Plisetsky’s performances?”

 

“Yuuri, what’s it like being blind?”

 

Everything went silent around them. Even the other reporters had paused in their frenzied questions and movements. The bomb had dropped. An explosion certainly followed.

 

“What. The. FUCK?!” Yuri’s voice boomed. It felt like it had shaken the earth beneath Yuuri’s feet. “Why the  _ fuck _ would you ask something like that? He’s fucking disabled and here you are crowding him like a bunch of  _ fucking asshole _ vultures!”

 

“Oh dear,” Viktor hissed next to Yuuri’s ear. “Otabek, Minami, please take Yuuri inside. This is probably going to get ugly.”

 

“Viktor, are you sure-,” Otabek began to protest.

 

“I can handle him, just worry about Yuuri, please. I can tell he’s about to break.”

 

Oh. Was he? Yuuri blinked. He felt numb. Oh. Viktor was right. A pair of arms was around him and he was being guided away from the shouting and clicking of cameras. It was easy to disassociate when he couldn’t see properly. It helped. He was guided inside the building and to a chair, Makkachin’s nose rubbing against his hand in comfort.

 

“Yuuri-kun, it’s ok, they’re gone,” Minami’s voice soothed, his hand holding Yuuri’s.

 

“Yuuri,” Otabek’s hand squeezed his knee and brought him out of his trance. “Do you have your medicine with you? Do you need me to get it?”

 

Yuuri blinked and shook his head, concentrating on his breathing, subconsciously trying to match Otabek’s to keep him focused. “N-no..I’m...I’m ok.”

 

“Good,” He responded. It had been clear to Yuuri the more time he spent around Otabek that he was very experienced with these situations. He was glad to have him around. “Can I get you anything?”

 

“W-water, maybe,” Yuuri said, his mouth suddenly feeling very dry.

 

“I got it!” Minami answered with clear enthusiasm, scurrying off to find something to help his idol.

 

Yuuri’s head shot up when he heard the door burst open followed by loud strings of Russian. Most of it was expletives. Yuri had not calmed down one bit, and it was clear even to him he was fighting against Viktor in the entryway. 

 

“Yura, quiet down!” Viktor ordered, his voice far more stern than he usually used with the younger Russian. “You’ll upset Yuuri!”

 

Yuri shut his mouth instantly.

 

“I’m ok,” Yuuri assured, though there was a still a small shakiness to his breathing. Minami returned and handed him a bottle which he drank in one go. “T-They aren’t coming in here, are they?” They could. They had the passes to do so.

 

“Rink security said they were not allowed near you again on the premises or they’d be asked to leave,” Viktor assured him. “If they have questions for you they are to go through me. Though, that does little good for when we are going back and forth from the hotel.”

 

“I won’t let them get anywhere near you, Katsudon, don’t you worry,” Yuri promised, venom in his words.

 

“Yura, go with Minami and start getting ready, ok? We don’t need you to cause anymore trouble right before you skate,” Viktor instructed, a tiredness in his voice. He kneeled down in front of Yuuri, Otabek backing away. “I’m so sorry,  _ lyubov moya _ . What can I do?”

 

“Can we just go to the rink?” There would be less people rinkside and very few reporters were even allowed there. Minami and Yuri didn’t need Viktor to baby them before warm-ups. They’d be fine.

 

“Of course.”

 

The cold air of the rink immediately calmed him. It was almost completely silent, although it surely wouldn’t be for much longer. It had been silent last night, though. Viktor had coerced the officials to allow them in after hours saying Yuuri needed to be able to skate in this arena before the performance to familiarize himself. It wasn’t really needed. Every rink was the same size, the same shape. But it was a thoughtful gesture nonetheless. 

 

Soon, the arena started to fill with the chatter of the audience and the skaters started to line up by the gate to enter for warm-ups. 

 

“Yuuri! It’s so good to see you!” Leo’s hand waved before stepping onto the ice. “You’ll love my music!”

 

Guang-hong had given him a huge hug before giving his coach his guards. “I’m so glad you’re here!”

 

Yuuri couldn’t help but feel so warm inside from everyone’s love. This was the only event he had gone to. With Makkachin, it was too much trouble trying to travel anywhere for just a few days. The poodle had calmed down once they had gotten in the rink and had been perfectly silent and still by his side at the barrier. But, this was different. This time, he had a reason to be here. It was worth the trouble.

 

It was different watching a competition like this. The skaters were nothing more than colorful blurs, but Viktor quietly gave a commentary during each performance, allowing Yuuri to imagine each spin, jump, and fall. Technically, Yuri’s performance was perfect, but Viktor said his anger got in the way of his presentation. Minami over rotated and fell out of a jump, but a perfect step sequence. It put him fourth with Yuri just slipping to second.

 

“There’s already a video going viral of Yuri’s incident with the media,” Viktor sighed as they finally got back to their hotel room that night. Thankfully, most people seem to be on his side, but I still wish he hadn’t blown up like that. I could excuse it when he was fifteen, but he’s not a kid anymore.”

 

Yuuri chuckled, “He’s definitely still a kid, Vitya. It..it was kind of sweet that he stood up for me like that.”

 

Viktor scoffed. “It was, wasn’t it?” There was some silence as they started to change into workout gear. “We won’t be able to skate again at the arena until the exhibition, but I found a nearby rink that will allow us to practice the next three days late. You sure you are still up for it?”

 

Yuuri hummed in acknowledgement. It wasn’t like the program was that difficult. They’d only put in two jumps, both triples. But, for every lack of technical difficulty there was an increase of intimacy. Yuuri had never felt as close to Viktor as he did when they did this routine. Maybe it was because he was so vulnerable. 

 

_ “Viktor, this isn’t working!” _

 

_ “That’s because you’re thinking too much,” Viktor sighed. “You don’t trust me.” _

 

_ “I do!” Yuuri countered, his eyes filling with frustrated tears.  _

 

_ Viktor’s hand was on his cheek, a warmth in the cold. “Then let yourself go. Give yourself to me, Yuuri.” He lifted Yuuri’s arms and settled in behind him. “Close your eyes. Stop trying to see. Just feel. Let me be your eyes.” _

 

_ Yuuri did as he was told and closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax into Viktor’s hold. They pushed off together and Yuuri did his best not to think about accidently tripping Viktor as they moved. His husband started to pull away on his left and he was suddenly being twirled and then lifted, Viktor taking extra care as he was set back down moving backwards. Yuuri didn’t realize he had been holding his breath until he finally lowered his extended leg, Viktor’s palm smooth against his cheek. Letting himself be pulled against Viktor’s chest they slid across the ice, a comfortable quiet washing over them in their embrace. Yuuri had never felt so safe. _

 

_ “See?” Viktor whispered fondly. “You can do it just fine when you stop worrying.” _

 

They kept practice light and playful, both too tired from the day to put too much real effort into it. There was less practicing of their routine and more just skating in each other’s arms, Yuuri enjoying giving up complete control to Viktor across the ice. It became his favorite feeling. Tomorrow would be better. 

 

It wasn’t. Once again they became too captivated by each other to get much serious practice in and then the day of the free skates they were too busy celebrating Yuri’s gold and Minami’s bronze to even get a practice in. Yuuri voiced his concerns about not having really gone through their routine to Viktor the morning of the gala, but Viktor kissed away all his worries in the sheets. 

 

When Yuuri walked into the locker room with Viktor and the Russian began lacing up Yuuri’s skates, all hell broke loose. 

 

“YUURI!” Phichit practically screamed. “WHY IS VIKTOR LACING UP YOUR SKATES? WHY ARE YOU WEARING SKATES? WHY ARE YOU WEARING A COSTUME? YUURI!”

 

“OH MY GOD YUURI-KUN ARE YOU AND VIKTOR DOING A DUET?!” Minami screeched, eyes so wide that even Yuuri could see their delight clearly. 

 

“Fucking gross,” Yuri slammed his locker purposefully. “Of course you are. This is why you’ve kept it a huge secret, isn’t it? You always have to steal everyone’s thunder, don’t you?! Why can’t you both just retire  _ for good _ and leave us all alone?!”

 

Yuuri smiled as Viktor finished, pulling down his pants over the top of the skates and standing. “Thanks for all your support, Yura! It’s always appreciated!”

 

“How am I supposed to go out there and skate knowing that the two of you are going to be skating together just moments after!?” Phichit cried, his phone already out and snapping hundreds of pictures of the couple together. 

 

Minami’s words came out between strings of giddy laughter. “I can’t believe I am going to get to witness this in person!” 

 

Viktor’s lips brushed against Yuuri’s ear. “And here you were, worried what people would think about this.”

 

Yuuri could feel the warmth of the blush spread across his cheeks, the breath of air sending a tingle down his spine. “Vitya, we haven’t even skated yet. It could still be a complete disaster.”

 

“You’ll be fine.” Yuri’s voice was unusually soft and calm. “This time tomorrow no one will care about my gold medal. They will all be talking about Yuuri Nikiforov’s fairytale comeback to the ice with his husband as his side. Now stop fawning all over each other and get out there before I throw up everywhere.”

 

Yuuri’s heart was pounding in his ears as he waited with Viktor rinkside. They were present, but Viktor had kept them in a shadow to avoid too much attention with Otabek and Makkachin at their side. Yuuri’s hand was a constant presence on Makkachin, the poodle helping calm his nerves. There was a thunderous applause signaling the end of Yuri’s performance and Viktor squeezed Yuuri’s hand.

 

“Are you ready,  _ lyubov moya _ ?” Viktor held on to Yuuri’s arm, using him as support as he removed his guards. 

 

Sucking in a deep breath Yuuri nodded and mimicked his husband’s movements to remove his own guards from his skates. “As ready as I’ll ever be.” Viktor was a solid presence on his left, a guiding light in his darkness, leading him to the gate as they handed off their jackets. 

 

_ “And now, please welcome our very special guests, with a combined eight world championships, Viktor and Yuuri Nikiforov!” _

 

A deafening silence came over the arena as Viktor guided Yuuri out onto the ice. It maybe only lasted a second, but Yuuri felt like it was an eternity. Why were they so quiet? Were they upset? Did they not want to see him and Viktor?

 

An eruption of applause and cheers suddenly filled the arena. 

 

Viktor’s hands squeezed his, bringing Yuuri back to himself as they did a lap around the rink. Yuuri couldn’t see Viktor, his body completely lost in the void of darkness that was his left eye, but he was there - patient and waiting. They moved to the center of the ice and Viktor positioned them, their bodies facing each other. Viktor’s right hand was joined with Yuuri’s left and brought up to their lips, their eyes staring directly into one another. Viktor kissed his skin ever so gently before the music began to play. 

 

Their bodies moved as one and Yuuri quickly forgot that they were in Russia and forgot that there were thousands of people watching them. He forgot that just months ago he had been in a coma and that he was drowning in black. He forgot that he had felt hopeless, alone, and had almost succumb to the darkness. 

  
Because as long as he had Viktor, Yuuri knew he could always rise above the tides.


End file.
